Sermon Mark 10:35-45

I don't usually post until after I have preached, but what the heck...in one way or another this is what I am preaching tomorrow.
(for some reason the formatting isn't working as I would have it.  Sorry.)

Elizabeth was 15 when she first went to a hospital and her first visit was to see her grandmother.  As she walked down the halls her parents prepared her for what grandma would look like.  They talked about what stage three cancer meant to someone in their late 80’s.  Upon entrance in her grandma’s room, Elizabeth was overcome by this machines and lines attached to her grandma.  Her grandma was ever the realist, and within minutes of their sitting down, she had off offhandedly remarked that the “end was near” and that she was "going to go home to die.”  It was just shortly after Grandma said, that she was "looking forward to seeing her husband again soon", that Elizabeth, in a fit of adrenaline, asked if she could have her car.

In the weeks following this poorly worded visit, her grandmother will come to live with her and Elizabeth will inherit not only grandmother’s car, but many other lessons.  She will come to see her humor, her strength; she will achieve the perfect apple crisp, and dumpling soup.  She will sit and learn a bit about her family’s story as they flip through photo albums.  Years later she will remain a bit embarrassed by her flippant remark, but her true inheritance remains her source of greatest joy.  It grounds her to her past and guides who she wishes to be in life.

While we all know it is inevitable, we all handle death differently.  Perhaps the most unsettling is those moments when people are honest about it.  Direct and forthright.  Most of us would rather live in denial or, are just so busy with life to ponder anything else. 

We might grant the disciples some grace…when we meet up with them today in Mark’s gospel.  They are somewhere outside Jericho, just over 30 miles from their destination of Jerusalem…Jesus will heal a blind man and then he will enter Jerusalem for the last time.  For the third time he has told his beloved what the plan is.  Again, he tells of how he will turn the world upside down.  The last shall be first.  The first will be slaves.  Rich shall be like children.

He’s talking to his disciples about his death and they are asking if they can have the family car.

Jesus, we want you to do for us whatever we ask of you.  Who among hasn’t prayed that prayer?

Who among us hasn’t made that demand?  Who among us hasn’t fallen into the theological trap that tries to tell us Christianity is only about getting into heaven?

We want you to do for us whatever we ask of you.  What is it you want me to do for you?

What do we want?  What shall we ask for today?

To be right?  To live longer?  To have more love?  To be more popular?  To get ahead?  To be God’s favorite?

We don’t know what we are saying anymore than those sons of Zebedee did…James and John, perhaps jazzed up on adrenaline, can’t take in what Jesus has said.  In verse 33 Jesus tells them that they are going to Jerusalem and the Son of Man will be handed over to the chief priest and he will be condemned to death.  He will be mocked, spit on, flogged, and killed.  And in three days he will rise again.  

It isn’t the first time they have heard such a claim.  No matter how many times he tells them…they just can’t wrap their minds around it.  …it really isn’t something you can understand.  Until it happens.  And even then you can only process it by faith.  No wonder they skip over the claim…I’ll cut them some slack and assume it was some coping mechanism that wouldn’t allow them to fully understand what death would mean to them.  After all, I get self centeredness.  I understand jumping right to how a situation will impact me…verses fully staying with the moment.  Thinking about how it affects others, or the larger picture.  I get that.

Jesus pushes them a bit further.  Are you able to drink the cup that I drink?  Can you really walk in my shoes?  “Oh, yes…yes.”  Perhaps it is denial like I have suggested or perhaps it is sure and certain faith that whatever comes, Jesus will be in charge, and that is enough to make them sign up.

What they miss is that Jesus isn’t just preparing them for the logistics of the coming days.  He’s handing down their inheritance as well.

Jesus isn’t leaving the world the same way he found it.  It isn’t just a matter of the bad people being kicked out, or the unjust getting their punishment.  It isn’t that Jesus’ followers will take over in wealth, prosperity and power.  They won’t simply slip in to the seats of the previous rulers and kings.

We want you to do for us whatever we ask of you.  “Ok,” Jesus says, “ok…you can have what is coming to you, my beloved children, my faithful followers…you may have your inheritance.”

Is everyone fed?  Do those children have coats?  Have you stopped by the nursing home?  Or the shelter?  How are the cancer patients?  How about that group that came down with malaria?  HIV?  Are you listening to the questions people are asking?  Have you looked beyond your backyard?  Are babies still growing up in orphanages?  Are teens still giving themselves away to drugs and alcohol and their boyfriends and girlfriends?  My beloved, does everyone have what they need?  Do they know…do they know they are loved?

This, this life of service and being bound to the other, it is yours.  It is what Jesus gives us.  As gift.  As power—new and different as it is.  It is ours.

Yes, yes, I know.  We’d rather have the family car.  Even if your family’s car didn’t offer prestige or power it always had in implied message of freedom and doing whatever you wanted.

But that’s not what Jesus is offering us.  Christianity isn’t about getting what we want.  It isn’t about getting ahead.  It isn’t about who you know.  It isn’t an insurance policy to protect us from sin, or mistakes or illness…or death.  It doesn’t keep us from messing up or hurting people.  It isn’t even solely about getting into heaven.

It is about finding our way back to who we were created to be in the first place.  It is about being connected to our God who created us and knows us and longs for us to be healthy.  It is about having purpose and intentionality.  It is about being connected….to each other, to strangers, to friends and family, to the earth…to God.

And what God gives us, is a new world order.  Our inheritance is the gift of knowing our place in the world…

We can’t help but hear servant, slave through the filter of our culture and context.  I can’t help but pastorally to offer this disclaimer…Jesus isn’t calling you accept abuse, or to stay in a violent controlling situation, God didn’t create you for that...But our place in the world isn’t as center star, either.

The way the world is, isn’t the way it will be.  But our inheritance remains, and it is given for each of us.  Consider the other.  Listen when someone speaks.  Look at what they need.  Focus your time not on your anxiety or fear, but on what is holding others back from being who God created them to be.

Inheritances can be life changing.  They can root us to the past and give us a more secure future.  They also help us understand who we are.  What we come from can shape who we will be.  You and I share an inheritance…one that reminds us…

That we drink from the same cup, we are baptized in the same waters and we servants of each other…we collect this gift at the foot of the cross.  Working and waiting for the world to turn upside down.

Kids Hide

I was reminded today of a little girl, no more that four or five, who caused an bit of a stir in her neighborhood once. 

You see, she was tired. She found a nice bag of potting soil and placed her head upon it. She curled up outside.  The birds chirped around her.  The breeze gently rocked the blanket above her.  The sunshine warmed the little fort room she had found.  She slept.

Outside her mother searched frantically.  Neighbor doors were knocked.  Men began to search the street.  They called out for her.  Too much time passed.  After awhile they feared the worst.

Then someone went through the backyard one more time.  Someone with a mind like a child.  He, too, saw the fort and lifted the blanket to looked under the jungle gym.

He reached in and woke a girl who only knew that she was sleepy.

Re-entry

A week ago today, I flew to my home state of Minnesota. Many months ago two of the bloggers I read both posted that they would be speaking at this conference. Right then and there I decided I would be attending. I may or may not have discussed it with my husband...my memory is a little fuzzy on that point. And as grace would have it every logistical decision fell into place. Plane flights, car rides, friends and family schedules...it all clicked. So much so that my Norwegian spirit had me convinced the plane would crash. No one gets to have it this good, do they?

I stayed with my godfather and while the loss is palpable, it was also obvious we are finding a new normal. I drove her car. I tried on clothes and stuffed my suitcase. I saw my parents. I strolled the places I love. I drove familiar roads. I spent time with a friend who knows my back story. Knew me when. And I attended a conference.

I haven't been at a professional conference in three years. I couldn't have been more isolated from the conference attendees if I had been Hindu. In fact that might have actually worked better. Let's just say no one else was wearing a pink turtleneck from Talbots circa 2000. While my vibe in new settings is often "stay away." I have matured and could have talked with others. I really was open to the idea...but no one spoke to me. I spoke to no one.

(except for an awkward stalking of one my favorite bloggers...but I'm going to put that out of my mind in hopes that she forgets we ever met.)

What is ironic to me is that this group of people who speak so lovely and passionately about the church opening up have created for themselves a network of insiders, a culture that has its own 'type and stereotype.' The event was created in some part, for friends, by friends and it felt that way. It seemed everyone knew everyone else. And upon further investigation some very "big" names were there...I just thought they were people staffing tables and organizing registration.

In every other circle I walk in, I have power. I am in the know. I know the person who knows the person. People even know who I am and what I am capable of.

This white, female, denominationally rooted, married, child bearing, pastor was on the outside looking in.

The conference was outstanding. The reminder of how "church" feels to those on the other side was an added benefit.

See, it was a good weekend. Thank God that plane didn't crash.

What must I do?

My report back from the Sabbatical Weekend begins with instruction to head over to Sarcastic Lutheran to check out her sermon from yesterday.

Do you want to hear about...

when I realized members of my youth group are 27 years old?

how I decided not to report how many people attended events at church in my council report?

how much I love watching tv on the internet? (this would include my thoughts on how tv is letting me down this season.)

the realization and subsequent mourning over the fact my baby is my last one...and that she's not a baby?

how my friend almost outed this blog? (and what blogging in private means)

You tell I what you want to hear about. ;) (not a grammatical typo, a favorite phrase BB uses...)

All is well with my life.

The same can not be said for many of my friends. Giving thanks for how we have enough strength for each other in our own time. Without these people in my own life during past phases, I could never have written out the heading to this post. Hoping to be of some use and comfort.

Be kind, because everyone you come across is fighting a great battle.

On any given day...

this is what my living room looks like. Apparently, it is a camp ground. BB could tell you what each item is (meant to be). He had to move a "lamp" to find a place for EG to sit. Both EG and I looked at him with patient curiosity. "ah, what lamp?"

Turns out that her fisher price play house was doing double time as a "lamp" in this campground. And apprently it was very heavy because it took him a looooonnnnngggg time to lift it. (Remember this was moved so that EG could have a place to sit.)

Trying not to see a mess I need to clean up (or rather, enforce clean up of) and give thanks for such imagination.

Five on Friday

1. I'm happy for Rio.
2. Is any one actually shocked that David Letterman had sex with co-workers? (beyond the fact they had sex with David Letterman.)
3. I completely fell off the exercise wagon this week.
4. My mind went blank when a parishioner wondered why it was important for Jesus to be fully divine as well as fully human.
5. I am behind on thank you notes.

Concern

It should be noted that no one has expressed concern over the fact I went hunting for tp in my holiday decorations.

Concern has been expressed over the fact I found these decorations cute in the first place.

To that concern I offer this defense...think batiked/beautiful fall fabric and a real wood stem. It all gets better. (also we put newspaper around the tp roll so it wasn't so "I used a roll of toilet paper to make this.") This photo was merely placed there to add some color and help for the visual learners among us.


p.s. BB just walked in and with the most sincere voice said, "Pumpkins! Hoooow diiid they DO that?" He likes them.

Say it ain't so

Today I put up some of the fall decorations. In my search, I was looking for a pumpkin project that we made at Mops last year. While I don't usually keep the crafts from Mops, I liked this one and figured I had kept it.

It was made from a fall fabric fat quilting square, a roll of toilet paper, and a dowel or thick stick. You wrap the quilt square up on the tp roll, sticking the ends into the top hole. Then you place the dowel or stick in the top for the stem. Easy. Cute. I could not find mine.


Ours were actually cuter than these.

Here is my fear.

As I was searching through my seasonal shelves, this thought came to me..."I wonder if we ran out of tp and I just decided to use this roll."

Good-NESS. Where would that thought come from if some part of it wasn't true? Had it really come to this? Tell me that I wasn't this bad off? Mining the fall craft decor for basic human essentials. I was potty training BB this time last year...EG was 7 months old. I can't rule out much, can I?

The other option is, of course, that my husband took it to The Goodwill. I don't think so. Nothing on my shelves has ever disappeared without my permission and knowledge.

I fear what has become of this pumpkin. I really hope for all our sake's that I find it.

The alternative is just too sad.

From a chapter on Sin and Children

From Faith's Wisdom for Daily Living by Herbert Anderson and Bonnie Miller-McLemore
pg.42-43

...saying that children are sinful does not inevitably lead to their punishment, even if this is how some Christians have mistakenly interpreted the tradition. Seeing children as fragile moral and spiritual creatures can also potentially enhance adult empathy and accountability. Adults can no longer discount children and their obligations to them by surrounding themselves with picture of cuddly, unblemished, blissful infants. Instead, adults must take the labor of protecting and raising children a great deal more seriously.

...Equally crucial, human error and imperfection is endemic to good parenting. Care of children asks much of us, and there is plenty of failure. What parent hasn't yelled rather than understood, flailed rather than sustained patience, forced rather than invited, and stumbled along in all the other ways adults infringe on the full personhood of a child and damage right relationship with children? Acknowledging this helps discourage the perpetual cultural myth of the perfect parent. The prevalent push in psychology to figure out why children turn out the way they do is paralleled by an obsession in self-help literature and talk shows to perfect children and parenting.

Recognizing the utter reality of sin and failure just might help avert this prominent temptation and renew appreciation of the value of time-tested religious practices of self examination, confession, repentance, forgiveness, reconciliation and hope as absolutely essential to family life.

Failures are not occasions for despair or unrelenting guilt, shame and punishment. They instead are cause for deeper awakening, remorse, reparation, compassion and formation. Recognizing sin in children and adults allows us to quit pursuing perfection of children or parenting and more readily accept our shortcomings and pursue amends and grace.

Grateful

+for friends from all the times in my life. Via the wonder of FB, I am connected with nearly everyone who had a real hand in shaping my life today. Decades later, I am thankful for them and proud of who they have become.
+cooler weather. SWEATERS!!
+EG and BB played together for nearly an hour yesterday without need for a referee or bandages.
+green apples
+the ability to drive through starbucks.
+gifts to share the gospel
+a faith in grace and unconditional love
+my husband
+a home that I don't actually want to leave
+the freedom and resources/support to leave town for three days
+improved health and reemerging muscles.
+television shows on the internet
+fall colors
+a full calendar

A Sampling

+bought jeans today that completely fit the "mom jean" description.
+was compared to Sally Field (who is totally gorgeous, but is 63 years old.)
+BB would like to marry EG. "You and Daddy are married, so I will marry EG." Will explain how that won't work later.
+I am, once again, trying to limit my carb intake. It was suggested by my endocrinologist that the Atkins diet works well for hypothyroidism.
+our car smells like rotten milk. EG spilled vanilla milk all over herself and I think it is soaked into the car seat. The people who make car seat covers have never had children. Or at least their children are neat. EG's carseat requires a screwdriver to get the cover off. How dumb is that?
+I am becoming overwhelmed by holiday plans. Most just expectations for myself. Home decorating, homemade gifts, cards, etc. But the actual details of where, what, who are sneaking in as well.
+amazed at how hard it is to intentionally have a plan each day and make choices that end up with a productive result. I am so not a self motivated person. I need a boss.
+"have" to compete in a bake-off at Mops. Don't really want to.
+got up late today. Such a bad idea.
+am thoroughly disappointed in my tv shows as they debute...anyone else? Or was I just more in need of escape last season so I'd watch anything?

Remaining Bendy

Most of the reason I joined the gym (again) was for the yoga. They offer it at an hour I can get to. I was also pleased that my favorite instructor is back teaching. This morning she asked if I was new to yoga and I said 'No, I use to take a class with you..." then it hit me. Two years ago. To a part of me it was just a month or so ago. To the other parts, the more ligament, muscle and fat cell parts of me, the two year gap was obvious.

Oh, wow, was I one stiff kid. I've been walking/running/stair mastering for a few weeks now...muscle is starting to grow. But I haven't stretched as well as I could/should be...something just as vital to the growth and health of my body as cardiovascular health and fat burning.

Last week, I joined my congregation in realizing how stiff our spiritual practices can become as well. We can go through the motions over and over, even gather some holy encounters with God and community along the way, but it is only when we have to stretch ourselves that we realize how stuck we had become.

The praise band had the idea to create a backwards worship service to coincide with the text Mark 9:30-37. The first shall be last and the last shall be first.

I'm ok with worshiping in new ways. I even like more tactile experiences in worship. Which is where I will make the case for 'higher' church worship, verses less liturgical styles, but that is a digression from this entry. This said, I was less than excited about this idea.

First, I didn't think it fit the actual text very well. I still think this idea would be best suited to a text or a sermon about uncertainty, remaining open to the Holy Spirit...but it worked and others could tweak the service more to make it an even better experience.

Second, I have very little authority or investment in worship planning at this congregation. Nor do I have influence over much beyond my small group ministry, so any congregation-wide education or deepening of discussion wasn't up to me.

All that said, it was a fun morning and people liked it. Ok, they liked it once they had gone through it.

If you think over worship in reverse, communion comes *boom* right away. I reversed the liturgy in blocks rather that individual phrases. Once we got to communion we still started it with the Great Thanksgiving...I wasn't going to consecrate empty plates or distribute bread and wine before we had prayed over it, etc. As distribution was taking place all you could hear was a dull hum and clucking of very confused people. It was almost comical, although at this point I felt the weight of worship leadership upon me. It was my sole job to keep this service as meaningful as possible. I was keenly aware of people's piety and the fact it could seem that we were just "goofing around" with the sacraments.

As I cleared up the altar and after the blessings I think I said something to the effect of "This meal of forgiveness is for you, no matter when you receive it." An off the cuff attempt to ease people's anxiety.

As I sat down in the front pew for a song, I could hear the murmur of a usually quiet and respectful group. The concrete walls didn't help. One comment floated up above the rest, "Well, they are going to have to explain this in the sermon." If people were quiet their anxiety came out in movement. Everyone, except the kids I might add because the adults were now making them look downright catatonic, everyone, was wiggling in their seats. Or crossing their legs. Or picking their nails. Or drumming on the pew.

The rest of the service went well enough. By the time the sermon rolled around they were more at ease, and after what was going on was 'named' for them, the mood was palpably lighter.

In the end, people came away with an appreciation for how often we just go through the motions of liturgy...let alone life. While no one, except the crazy band who started it, wants to do it again, everyone realized stretching won't kill you. It might even make you stronger.

Just Stay

My sister has been in town. This story best sums up how much fun we have had with her around.

This morning she learned that some pipes at her house burst and destroyed their recently redone basement. You can imagine the phone calls between her husband as they sort through the mess.

BB listened to all the calls and conversations with his usual interest and attention to detail.

As we drove home from lunch later in the day, he was quiet. Out of the quiet he said, with the sweetest purity, "Say, Aunt Hil, if your house is really broken...you know you could always just stay here with us."

And both my sister and I teared up.

There is going to be some serious love withdrawal around here tonight.

Introverts. Why can't you be more like me?

Dear 'I's of the world.
You drive me a bit batty.

Your silence and quiet thought fuels every insecurity I have. I know enough about you to know you'd rather be at home alone. But here you are with me and I don't know what to do with you.

I thought I was over this personality insecuirty. And I was, but your silence creates too much noise in my head and you wear me down. I thought I was ready for it tonight.

Not so much.

What the extrovert is thinking while the introvert is silent at dinner: (Mind you the words are being spoken out loud while the extrovert is thinking these thoughts..)

"Are you racking your brain trying to think of something to say? Do you have nothing to say? You hate me right? What I just said drove you further into thought, and now I'll never get you back. Am I talking too much? Are you content to have me carry the conversation or do you enjoy the silence? Ask a question, any question. Have you even come up with what you want? What all is going on in your head--share some of the fun. Come on, give me something."

Ok, I had to get that out of my system...after all I'm an ENFJ.

Sleep Isn't Worth it.

For the last two weeks I have been trying to get up and go to the gym. I have actually done it the majority of the days. Today, my husband had to be at a meeting early so it seemed helpful for me to stay home so he could get ready without the kids needing things. I also fell in to old habits last night and felt like an extra hour of sleep would help.

Wrong.

I need the adrenaline. I need to coffee I pick up on the way home. I need the feeling of accomplishment.
Tuesday morning went like this:
5am-up and in car to gym
worked out (did you know 100s of people are up and lifting weights at this hour? crazy.)
6:30am on my way home with coffee.
Then shower, feed, laundry, dress, clean up kitchen, check email, organize errands.
8:20 in car to school
8:30 on way to office
9:00 working on bulletin board
9:30 at mom's group (a half hour late, but that's another story)

Productive, right?

Today:
Slept until 7am.
Baseball hat on head, "hurry, hurry, hurry, kids!" Had to push BB much faster than he likes. He's frustrated. EG destroyed a wood block creation he made...then hit him with a block. He's upset. (rightfully so) "Hurry, hurry, hurry, no time to ponder how to fix broken creation. MOVE!" Wants shoes with socks. So behind that socks put me over the edge..."NO, SOCKS." "Mom?" "Fine. Get the socks."
He puts on socks. I spray his Dennis the Menace hair with water and brush. He freaks out because I got water on his legs (can we say power trip?) I then swoop in with my evil plan to rid his face of crusty yogurt. More screaming. Get the screams under control. Shoes on. Then I notice he has snot coming across his face after said crying. He goes to wipe it on shirt. "NOOOOOOO!!!!" (why do I actually care?) "We don't wipe snot on our clothes." More crying. More crying.

8:20 in car to school.
8:22 in school parking lot. Shake off dance is invented. I tell BB that he and I will do this dance and start the morning over. We both wiggle and shake our heads. Giggle. Hugs.

Must. get. up. Not. an. option. The next hour of sleep was in no way worth it.

Backwards...

This Sunday the congregation where I serve is worshiping in reverse...or backwards...or the last piece of the liturgy is coming first. However you phrase it, it will be different for the congregation. I thought I'd share one piece of the service. Credit for some of it goes to my friend Jennie. Thank you as always.

This piece will be at the very end. I have an odd distain for litanies but this is how things are done so I didn't rock the boat too much. (just turned it around another direction)

Call to Worship

P: Worship today had a new order. For some of us it added to the excitement of the worship service, we enjoyed experiencing worship in a new way…

C: for others it was odd, confusing and at times frustrating.

P: We are each creatures of habit after all. We like things to turn out the way we think they should.

C: We like people to behave the way we think they should.

P: Jesus reminds us today, that if we are bothered by things like the offering coming after communion, or the announcements coming at the end of worship…

C: the Kingdom of God is really going to shake us up.

P: Jesus reminds us,

C: Whoever wants to be first must be last of all and servant of all. We are called to welcome the least, embrace the lost and serve the one we'd least expect to.

P: Greatness isn’t found by getting the order right, or by being perfect, or finding all the answers

C: Our greatness is measured by how we love each other. By how we serve each other.

P: And, that my friends, never has a clear order…it can be odd, confusing and at times frustrating

C: But it is what God has called us to do…welcome the unknown, embrace the stranger and through the chaos, we will be drawn closer to God.

The Summer that Was

While still not officially fall, the schedule has moved on. Gone are the lazy days of parks and late bedtimes. It was our best summer yet as a family. I conquered my 'summer-no-schedule-angst.' It helped that the kids where old enough to walk, talk and feed themselves. So, a review is in order.

Trips to a local pool.

We visited a nearby children's museum a few times. Enjoying a much appreciate Chipotle burrito as well.

Mornings at the park...we even tried a few new ones.

Blogs.

My husband showed up for a brief stint on the church softball team and we enjoyed the social time afterward.

Facebook.

We celebrated 4th of July by decorating our bikes and riding around a friend's neighborhood. We watched fireworks together out of the back of our car.

A trip to MI was a welcome change of pace. It even turned out to be fun.

Naps.

We spend a weekend with family in IA.

Books.

I wrote notes and connected with people.

All five of us headed to MN for some time:
celebrating my 37th birthday with those dearest to me
racing turtles
playing in the sand
gathering up mementos
snooping around run down houses
walking The Point
remembering why I get so homesick some days

The kids and I enjoyed lunches at various local restaurants.

We prepared for preschool.

I fiddled with medications and doctors.

On to fall..while we did summer well, it is good to be back.

Being Our Best

Our Greatest Fear —Marianne Williamson

it is our light not our darkness that most frightens us

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other

people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of
God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

—Marianne Williamson

Thanks to the one who pointed me to this blog entry.

and he's off...

That's my first baby. You can't see his face so his cover isn't blown. He was far more confident about the whole event than his picture shows. It is only preschool after all.

But still it is preschool...the start of 16 years of organized education. Something about it is a bit sad. Not the part that he is growing up, that has always been something I expected him to do. Frankly, I am more sad on the days I fear he may never grow up.

No, sad in a more, philosophical way.

Really, he has to learn to line up a certain way and sit still. So soon?
Really, it is time to follow random and arbitrary rules. Sigh.
Really, you have to navigate the opinion and style of your teachers? Already?
Really, he needs to learn that word and learn about what tv show? Come, on.
Really, he has learn that spaceships don't land on barns and cows don't sleep in beds. Why?

The rebel in his mother, the good girl* who stood in line and rose her hand and worked very hard not to attract too much attention to herself, she isn't ready for the world to shape him. She isn't sure standing in line just like everyone else is always the best guiding principle of life. She isn't sure sitting still is a necessary life lesson. She isn't sure...about so many things.

All of this philosophical musing is fine right up until I ask him to do something...then I'm pretty sure what the response should be.

*good girl minus one incident in Kindergarden when I slugged a kid who stepped on my shoes. You know how annoying it is when that happens. And it was hot. His glasses came off but he was fine. Completely fine.

it starts here

Being a homemaker was never on my list of things to do. Trust me I made lists. I kept them. I've checked them over. It is never listed. Not. Once.

But you either have to accept reality or re-frame it. Here is a nice re-framing...

I can do nothing about the state of the world, except work on the parts of it I directly touch. As someone who would really rather be out slaying the big dragons of "the world," finding purpose in the smallest parts of life is a spiritual exercise.

Today we...
ate cinnamon crunch bagels with strawberries for breakfast
went for a hike with 4 other families
rearranged our yard
made cookies
watched Sunshine Cleaning
ironed clothes for the first day of Sunday School
wrote my grandmother
played on the computer

We each did our best to be the best to each other we could be.

Doing a New Thing #2

Last night my husband came home with flowers. And, a gym membership.

We had agreed to the gym membership but in a phone conversation I jokingly acted hurt by his "gift" membership to a place which pretty much screams guilt and "letting oneself go" every time I drive by it. (on the way to get coffee, shop or buy a pretzel-any number of directions this Fall Change program could take)

Thus the flowers. The gesture added humor, care and love to this next step of "Doing a New Thing." It represented a whole lot more in terms of our relationship as well. Needless to say, we are both branching out in new directions.

Today, I was awake at 5:30am. I am always awaken at 5:30am to take my thyroid meds, but today I actually got out of bed. I got dressed. I got in the car and drove alone in blissful silence to a yoga class.

It was a good morning. Right now I need to return to making it a good day...a bit trickier because of the cast of characters.

First up on the list of whines I had to either ignore or address:

Going to the bathroom. BB has been alseep for 12 hours--still will not go to the bathroom. He will writhe in pain at the table, but will not go.

Once he decides he needs to go...usually two bites into breakfast (which he also didn't want to eat) he doesn't want to wash his hands.

Once he loses that battle, he moves on to the things he doesn't want to do today.
First up, get his haircut from a woman named Emily. His usual hairstylist is on vacation. I can not bring her back just for him. I am amazing, but I can not drag her off a mountain in Colorado.

Tomorrow is the first day of MOPS. That will be #3 on my list of Do a New Thing. More later...

Doing a New Thing #1

It is 9:41pm where I live. I have much more work to do. In fact I am in the middle of a project. But, I need to stop a vicious cycle that has started over the summer.

If I stay up late, I get up late. The early morning hours are the only ones that I have to myself. Thus, I must break this cycle in order to move on to New Start-try #2. (wait for it)

So, while I have much I could stay up doing. It will be there tomorrow.

Good Night.