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In anticipation of nine years, this was devotion material today.

Ideal Age

During our travels, I found myself waxing nostalgic for years gone by...well, not really, but it is a good introduction to this very random post.

I decided that if I were to "do" any age over again, 16 months might be a good place to hang out for a while.

+You are able to move on your own, but everyone is anxious to hold you and cuddle if need be.
+You are just beginning to try new things and everyone offers grace for those attempts. Your successes are cheered and your failures are triumphs of your adventurous spirit.
+You'll hear the word "no" (at least in our family) but you are still mostly open to redirection. The "oh, look there is a robin out the window" variety of discipline, my husband and I coined it while traveling.
+Let's talk about how cute fat thighs look.
+Two naps a day.
+Boundless energy.
+Pure joy over all the new things in the world.
+Complete adoration of all family members.
+Everyone, and I mean everyone, thinks you are cute. And, they stop to tell you often.

Yep, looks like a very fun age to me.

I would not, however, under any circumstance, want to redo 3.5 years. Wowzers...that looks like a PAINFUL stage of development. (to all involved.)

+In the course of one day, BB went from clinging to me asking if he could still breastfeed to walking across a restaurant to ask a hostess if she "had a place he could throw away his wrapper."
It results in parenting whiplash, so I can only imagine how his little being feels.

A Year Ago

A year ago I walked into your hospital room. I pulled up a chair near you for the last time. Always in control, this moment was no exception. Except there was a new intentionality to our meeting. Your need to direct and control had new grace behind it.

You were someone who could look me in the eye as I walked into the kitchen, and with a smile say, "I need to ignore you right now. I'll be upstairs on the computer." You'd leave the room and I would just know you were still there, even in the face of your direct rejection.

But this day, you were there. With passion. Attentiveness. Intentionality. You knew. I knew. We both pretended to focus on this photo. Perhaps you were focused on it. I was just trying to make the visit last as long as possible, while also avoiding your direct questioning.

You wanted to know how my husband was. Our marriage. Its future.
New life blooms, a year later.

You asked how I was taking care of myself. What I was doing. Goals. Hopes.
Growth comes slowly.

You ordered Dick out of the room. My sister came in and out. You and I sat huddled together. Nothing breezy or subtle about you.

Then you got tired and I saw you fading. I have never wanted to leave your side and this day was particularly hard. You walked us out to the lobby. From a distance you met EG for the only time. But in typical fashion a baby was no match for your attention towards the task at hand.

In our last embrace I felt every hug we had shared. You no longer had the hair I loved to comb, but you passionately, gently stroked mine instead. I can still feel your hands there, as the elevator ding-ed its arrival and departure behind us. At some point Dick joined us and the three of us stood together. Embracing all that was, and what was to come. In one last move you held a strand of my hair, told me how gorgeous I was, how much you loved me.

And then it had to end. We said good-bye.

Back from Vacation

I like to share anything that promotes the greatness that is my home state.

Amazing Daisy

These daisies were put out for a party on June 17th.

I just took them down* on July 4th.
Way to go, Daisies!




*By saying, "I just took them down" I mean, I should have taken them down on the 4th. They were done being pretty.
They are actually still up.

Blisters and Blogs

Check out Peacebang's Beauty Tips for Ministers blog today...the letter she posts is from ME. He, he!

As the Senior Pastor and Council President were telling me to "just go barefoot," in the face of blistered feet in new shoes, my first thought was... "So not going to happen." My very next thought was, "I have to tell Peacebang about this, she will laugh and understand how odd that would be."

I am old enough (perhaps only in spirit) that all of this blogging and facebook and social networking and "virtual" friends, whew, is pretty new to me. Every once in awhile I have to step back and say, "Whoa...this is odd, and perhaps, not so healthy." But, I also think exchanges this like simple, goofy one are so fun. I am genuinely thankful for many of the "bloggers" whose thoughts and reflections I read each day. I am glad to hear their voice and "listen" to their thoughts. I am thankful for an insight into a larger world. If not for this new form of communication, we might never have connected. Without the likes of Peacebang and others, who would understand the real life crazy world I live in.

Bare feet at the altar, indeed. :)

Sneaky

I will always remember the look on BB's face when I told him he didn't need to take a nap today. It was about nine months ago. He started to cry and I said, "Ok. You don't need to take a nap. You don't need to sleep. But you need to be in your room for a quiet time." He was so giddy with this new plan.

Of course, 10 mins later he was a sleep, waking 3 hours later.

The quiet time plan has worked well since then. Until recently. He's nearing an age when some kids stop napping. So I'm prepared that some days he just isn't tired. And then some days he still naps for hours on end. (I know, I know...I am VERY thankful.) But in his age and maturity (I use that term very loosely) he can also fight on through the tired. Last month I knew he needed to lay down, and was just fighting it. So I helped him snugle in. I read a book. He still wanted to get up. So I told him we going to try something new.

"Just close your eyes and stay in bed for 5 mins. In 5 mins I will come back, and if you are still awake you can get up." He went for it. Great day in the morning. And sure enough, 2 hours later he popped out of bed. "I ended up sleeping for a 'iddle' bit Mommy."

Part of me feels a bit guilty every time he asks to "do that shing where I just close my eyes for a 'iddle' bit, ok, Mommy?" But hey, it works, and best of all we both feel like we are in control of the situation.

Double "HA" to both of us. :)

All or Nothing

A few months ago, I posted a link to an article from Fidelia's Sisters on my facebook page. Click the link to see the article. It was titled, There *is* such a thing as part-time ministry. It gave good advice and offered me the needed validation I craved. In the face of my seminary classmates "getting ahead" of me (although we don't really talk that way or think of our careers/callings in the same corporate model...but I think we all take note of the tracks everyone is heading off on.) I have twinges of jealousy...mixed with fear that I am, indeed, falling behind by remaining "on family leave" for so long.

But, I'm not actually sure there is such a thing as 'part time' when it comes to ministry. (or the Christian life...) I am hired (not an offical call) to serve a very, very specific population of a congregation for 10 hours a week. This includes preaching and leading worship, each once a month. On paper it looks to be very part-time, right?

Except when things like this past week happen. In passing on Sunday a person mentioned something about a change in their life...and then went on to talk about the actual conversational topic. There were a number of people around and I was proped at the edge of the conversation (although the news was meant for me to learn) so I let the comment pass. It was shocking to learn the news and I have been thinking about it ever since and how to best re-engage the conversation next Sunday. Now, the family nor the person who told me fits into my defined job description. Neither does the other member of the family who was the only one who came to my office hours at the coffee shop on Monday. The 70 year old who chatted with me had other reasons for wanting to talk but it wasn't until she was leaving that I tied her to first part of this story and begin to wonder how I could have helped her given the news.

All of this is fairly typical and even, mundane, pastoral stuff. Very much the day to day workings of parish ministy. But it isn't part time. People don't fit in job descriptions like that, do they.

This is exactly why I have found it easier to take an all or nothing approach up until now. I thought I was just putting my big toe back in...but it is a slippery slope and unless you catch yourself on a branch on the way down, you're feet will be in the water and then your leg and pretty soon, who knows, your whole body may be under. And, perhaps, that is the point of our calling after all. Walking around wet and fully emersed*.

Check out the Fidelia's Sisters blog...great articles on women and ministry.


*don't write me on boundries...I have very healthy professional boundries. Don't worry. :)