Re-entry

A week ago today, I flew to my home state of Minnesota. Many months ago two of the bloggers I read both posted that they would be speaking at this conference. Right then and there I decided I would be attending. I may or may not have discussed it with my husband...my memory is a little fuzzy on that point. And as grace would have it every logistical decision fell into place. Plane flights, car rides, friends and family schedules...it all clicked. So much so that my Norwegian spirit had me convinced the plane would crash. No one gets to have it this good, do they?

I stayed with my godfather and while the loss is palpable, it was also obvious we are finding a new normal. I drove her car. I tried on clothes and stuffed my suitcase. I saw my parents. I strolled the places I love. I drove familiar roads. I spent time with a friend who knows my back story. Knew me when. And I attended a conference.

I haven't been at a professional conference in three years. I couldn't have been more isolated from the conference attendees if I had been Hindu. In fact that might have actually worked better. Let's just say no one else was wearing a pink turtleneck from Talbots circa 2000. While my vibe in new settings is often "stay away." I have matured and could have talked with others. I really was open to the idea...but no one spoke to me. I spoke to no one.

(except for an awkward stalking of one my favorite bloggers...but I'm going to put that out of my mind in hopes that she forgets we ever met.)

What is ironic to me is that this group of people who speak so lovely and passionately about the church opening up have created for themselves a network of insiders, a culture that has its own 'type and stereotype.' The event was created in some part, for friends, by friends and it felt that way. It seemed everyone knew everyone else. And upon further investigation some very "big" names were there...I just thought they were people staffing tables and organizing registration.

In every other circle I walk in, I have power. I am in the know. I know the person who knows the person. People even know who I am and what I am capable of.

This white, female, denominationally rooted, married, child bearing, pastor was on the outside looking in.

The conference was outstanding. The reminder of how "church" feels to those on the other side was an added benefit.

See, it was a good weekend. Thank God that plane didn't crash.