Inspiration

Thanks to the miracle of Facebook I have connected with cousins and second cousins. It has been so fun to get to know them better and interact beyond the shy encounters over a shared family potluck. One of my cousins writes a blog...so here is another one for you. She is a hilarious and honestly real person.

You'll read a few posts on a detox she did over the summer. About the time she was ending her detox I gave the old aktins diet a try. A two week try. It had dismal results. Mind you my hypothyroid numbers are so low you had to scrape me off the floor at the time. Starvation wouldn't have helped.

But it did reaffirm for me how addicted to food I am. So to the on going list of things I am working on, I add, "food is just energy" to my list. It isn't love. It isn't a celebration. It isn't my friend....or enemy. It just is. Energy meant to keep me going.

I haven't exercised in three months. Longer really. Unbelievable. If there is one area of my life that I can no longer recognize myself, it is here. So, I watch from the outside as one friend trains for her first half marathon. Never an athlete she is diving into a world I use to occupy. Another took up running, finished a half marathon and various road races, then decided to put together her own 5k. It just took place and went really well. I listen as she talks about the type of event I spent every weekend attending or participating in for years.

All of them serve as inspiration. Detox. Running. Organizing.

I'm gearing up for a strong fall. But probably need to move beyond blog entries...
It is Monday.

The Goal

Monday nights I have been setting up "office hours" at a local coffee shop. No one from church stops by so it is a blessed time of renewal and reading. I actually do get some "office work" accomplished but I also fill up on my eavesdropping and people watching--something that is usually difficult with BB and EG around. They both chatter constantly so they serve as my own portable white noise machine blocking out any sounds of a world larger than us.

A few weeks ago as I wrote notes to people and began The Shack, I took note of two women sitting a few tables away from me. Amongst the college and high school aged students that filled the place they stuck out. I took note of them because it was 9pm, their hair was wet, they each wore simple, stylish workout wear, and they were at least 80 years of age. What also struck me was how engrossed they were in each others thoughts. They seemed like the best version of friendship.

After a few minutes two other women near to their table got up to leave. Each in their 40's or so, they stopped to greet the women who were seated. "You two are such darling little women," one said with that voice people so often use with the elderly.

My friends smiled a little bit and then graciously humored the younger women with an explanation of why they were out so late....being old and all. It turns out every night they swim at a local pool for an hour or so. Afterwards they do some light weights. Then they have a simple supper somewhere together. They chatted a bit more with the two women and then eventually the younger women left the coffee shop.

Once they had gotten out of ear shot, one of the original women looked at her friend, "Why'd they stop at our table?" The one snorted and laughed a bit, "Oh, they said something about us being darling little women...some condescending blah, blah, blah." They both chuckled kindly and then continued on where their conversation on local politics had left off when they were interrupted.

I nearly had coffee coming out of my nose.

While I had the same reaction to the woman's "compliment," I felt for them. I knew what they meant. I knew why they had stopped at the table at all.

These older women represented the ultimate goal for those of us in our mid-age. There they sat; sharp, healthy, active, positive, awake past 7pm and in their 80's. Their friendship was also inspiring. From a distance it radiated its light.

As I sat in thankful silence sipping coffe, loneliness sat with me as well. It is a lonely stage of life...the worst kind, as I am often surrounded by adults and kids, but never seeming to connect. I think everyone took note of these women because they gave us such hope as they walked in. Yes, some of it was ageism...they were the oldest in the place by two decades. But also because of who they were...I could see them inspire people as they simply sipped their soup and chatted.

They seemed to be living mantras. "We can make it through these years of spinning chaos, sleepless hours, constant babbling and chatter, the never ending pulls on our being. There is a model of health and activity. Intellectual curiosity, humor and articulate conversations can we ours once again."

By this point I was probably staring. I really wanted to say something to the women as well. Either, in a fit of pathological fixing, to re-script what the first women had said, or to just add my own observations on the women's obvious "fabulousness." (because I would have made it sound so less condesending...)

Instead, I got more coffee. As I returned to my table I caught one of their eyes and smiled. She smiled back. I packed up my books and prepared for the journey back into my reality. Not before I gave thanks for a glimpse into the future and how well it can be done.

Summer's Guilty Pleasure

Time to come clean on a few of my summertime activities....

Sometime last spring my friend Jennie (I need someone to blame here) introduced me to this blog. She read about it in the New York Times Style Section. I immediately read most, if not all, of the blog and spent all summer checking in each day. When this became predictable...charity benefit, preppy wickedly expensive items, travel to Europe...I started to search through the blog rolls.

That is where I found this blog. Another guilty pleasure. And of course from her blog you can find others, and so on, and so on....

Summer is galloping towards fall and I need to stop. These women's lives are so dramatically different from my own they only serve to stir up jealousy and sheer bewilderment. Something has to give as I ponder my fall schedule and these two are top on my list Blog Cutback List.

My addiction to their blogs isn't adding much to my day. I am sure they are lovely people, I am just confessing here, and hoping that like any addict my admission will help me to move on.

And because I have come to enjoy them I don't want them to feel abandoned I'll just send them your way, should you need a break from your own reality. Enjoy.

Some Sermons

None are mine. They are both related to the ELCA's churchwide decisions.

First is from the Sarcastic Lutheran.

The second is from my dear friend. She blogs (not enough...but I'll let that go. grin.) at The Emmaus Road. Her sermon can be heard via her church website...go to Worship and then to Sermons. Once you have launched the sermon player listen to Choices.

Christian Sisterhood

A few weeks ago on Oprah I watched a re-run of her visit to the polygamist ranch. It was the one in Texas where all the children were taken from. At one point Oprah addressed the common topic of jealously among the sister-wives.

Obviously, 3, 7, 14 women all living in the same house can spur a large supply of human emotions. Never mind the fact they are all married to the same man. The women wouldn't 'dish' with Oprah. They had no gossip or even rolled eyes agreeing with the assumed hardship of living in community with other women. What they did say was what got me thinking.

When they experienced a struggle or hard feelings towards another "sister" it was a signal of their own sin. They needed to dig deeper to overcome some sin, or struggle. Whatever anger, jealously, pride they felt towards the other, reflected something lacking in their own being. When they didn't like someone or felt ill will towards another, it meant they needed to look into themselves to see why they couldn't love the other woman.

While not unfamilar, their response got this woman thinking.

I am a member of two woman's groups. Both are made up of Christian women. By the end of May I was ready to be done with female community all together...and I only saw most of my "sisters" for a couple of hours each week.

I have spent all summer fighting off (failing miserably) the worst version of myself when it comes to my attitude towards some of my "sisters in Christ." Does the fact a few (by no means all or even most) women drive me batty reflect on me? Is it a sign of my own sin? Or, on this journey of life, will some people just rub you the wrong way? Is that ok? And, when you can't escape them, what is the Christian response? Obviously, wringing their necks is out of the question.

There is an expression within some Christian communities about "taking on the others sin." From what I can glean it means not getting sucked into the drama of another person's life or sin. When others gossip, don't join in. When the other is angry, don't respond with anger. When someone is selfish, you become more giving. Etc. Etc.

Sooooo, not my gift. But I know it is true. The trick right now is preparing my heart and mind to rise above my desire to RUN AWAY or worse yet, subtley attack those who drive me batty, through continued snide and snarky observations--out loud or in my head and heart.

My goal is to allow myself the freedom to say--"I don't really like them. Or connect with them. Or understand them. Or, they don't like me. Or they hurt me/I hurt them."--to accept these things and then move on. Mulling it over and over, isn't making it better. Replaying all the ways we bug each other, doesn't heal much. This is the goal in the coming weeks, in preparation of fall and start of all the groups.

Sigh.

I suppose if I can learn something from fundamental Mormon polygamists living in rural Texas...I can rise to the challenge of learning from, and appreciating, the women in my life.

Felting Fun

Guess what everyone is getting for Christmas? Just look at all those fun 'felted food' items. :)

Everybody's Got Something to Offer...

to the discussion. My denominational body made news recently. I was on vacation so have yet to read the final documents. I haven't had a chance to talk with friends and colleagues who were there.

Plus, my brain doesn't engage fast enough to offer printed commentary on a semi-public blog quite yet. But I am pleased. From what I have read, I am even proud of the work being done.

Here are a few blog links from people whose brains did have something say on the topic....
Start here. It is what I would have written if my brain worked. You must read it. (It is my blog after all, I can be bossy.)

The Paris Project The Toddler, The Discharge, and The Humidity (I may kiss her when I hear her speak in October...I might just.)

and from Peacebang it goes in a totally different direction. One worth thinking on/being more mindful of.

Tensegrities has a lot of links and directions to go should you have time and interest.

As I said, it has been vacation time around here..more reports soon.

Here's All I've Got.

I'm back from a trip to see my husband's family. I got sick the last night we were there...I remember the thermometer reading 110 degrees, but as a kind friend told me today. "That probably wasn't possible. Could it have been 101?" Sure could have. Who knows? All I know is that I was freezing and had those flu dreams all night. You, know, where the cookie is chasing you around the living room of the house you grew up in. Doesn't everyone have those when they get a fever?

So, in order to be productive in VBS tomorrow I should head to bed now. I have a million entries to write...but they are all in my head. Argh. Hope to get some writing time soon. In the meantime, head over to Dr. Paris' blog. Another entry that made me want to hug her...and I've never even met her.

Peace!