LP is my third one year old. Spending time with a one year old helps me understand why people have multiple children. Some women are all about the baby phase. Give me a one year discovering the world while toddling around turning over pots in search of his personality any day.
I can't get enough of LP right now. He's discovered snuggling. He has also developed awareness that he has to share me with BB and EG. While I need to remind him it isn't nice to smack his sister in the face when she sits on my lap, or wedge himself between BB and I when we hug, I giggle inside as it is happening. I giggle a lot when he's around.
Many years ago I wrote a blog post about how each child has essentially a different version of the the same parent. For many reasons I wasn't able to savor the other children at this stage as I am able to enjoy LP. (or maybe, it is simply that parts of my memory have been erased by some cosmic event) BB, got a mom wrestling with what just happened and wondering how she could recreate life before motherhood. EG, got a mom overwhelmed with grief. None of it could be helped and all of it has matured into growth and strength. But LP, gets me at a time in my life when I can sit and giggle with him while my mind is in the moment. In large part I am at peace because he (and God...and my friends) spent 9 months living through my panic and dread over, said third child. Along the way, his existence made me give up some things, make peace with some others and try to get at life from a different angle. I am at peace in so many ways because of LP.
Mind you, it isn't all sunshine and hearts drawn on our days. I'm still me. With a low threshold for care-taking and a fairly selfish need for space. We enjoy each other on the run. LP has the most ridiculous schedule and his days are filled with a variety of people. It might appear he shares me more than the other children, but in my heart I know I'm all his.
The gift isn't lost on me. Daily, his blue eyes, chubby cheeks and mischievous grin, remind me that out of chaos, best made plans and a life turned upside down, God surprises with grace and a contagious giggle.
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Friday, November 16, 2012
Predictable.
* equals internal thoughts in this post.
I hate consumerism. Mostly because I am so good at being apart of it. Much like I get irritated by people who exhibit behavior I have identified as negative in myself, I am irritated by suburban sprawl, generic shopping malls and fast food.
You saw this post, right?
I have to go days not talking to myself.
This is all to say, we needed a few items at Target today. The kids were in pretty good spirits and we got through much of the "needs" list with no problem. But I was increasingly stressed and overwhelmed by the holiday spirit in the store. I could feel my pulse quickening and my brain spinning as I passed sparkling scarves and evening bags (*we never go out. so sad. I wish I had a reason to buy sparkly scarves.) , gingerbread kits (* we get the ones at Michael's, should I just get these? Will we do it soon? After Thanksgiving? Is this a good price? Why don't I know prices better?) and Christmas tree ornaments. 8 feet tall cardboard red display trees are everywhere holding stocking stuffers. (*stocking stuffers. I don't have any. More money. Do we have stockings? Where are they?) Christmas cards, stickers and wrapping paper nearly tied me in a bow as I pass by. (*I don't want to do a card. Why, not? What's that about? Do I have to? What will I do? Photos? I said I would always make them...)
I began to lose my train of thought and I began to internally panic that I was not prepared. I had this sinking feeling that I was going to ruin Christmas for my children. Prices would never be this low, quantities would never be this high. I could not wait a minute longer. Just as I was talking myself back to reality, LP threw a shoe at me.
Literally. He had removed a shoe and threw itat to me. The other one was already in the base of the cart. I picked up the shoe, and I thought I put it in the base of the cart with the other one.
At check out I realized we only had one shoe. Due to my marketing driven crazy, my mind left me. I paid for our items and began to retrace our shopping steps with a full cart of bagged items. EG realized the day wasn't going to head the direction she had hoped (park and then lunch at home while LP napped) and took up the cause with some serious effort. "Shoe, here shoe! Oh, shoe-y, shoe...where are you?"
We didn't find it. I almost prayed about it but then figured God was busy with more pressing matters. I did have the distinct feeling that I could use a bit of purpose and focus and that perhaps, just perhaps, I was losing a grip on my otherwise held together self, but I hoped deep breathing may do the trick. It hadn't been turned in to the lost and found desk, when it because necessary for us to leave*, so I gave my name and phone number. (the security guard had began to circle.)
I unloaded the cart into the back on my car, only to realize I had forgotten dishwasher detergent.* We headed back inside. (one thing I realized as I looked at other people's One Day photos is that my house is a real mess on a daily basis. Something I am not proud of, nor focused enough to fix.)
Once we had settled ourselves in the car. I started to make amends for the botched afternoon.
I don't know. Once a you've fallen down the marketers dream hole, why not keep falling. McDonald's sounded like an easy enough place to grab lunch, they serve crow right? I realized yet again, we only go for the toy.
Much of the rest of the afternoon went fine, I came out of my holiday frenzy, accomplished loads and loads of laundry, added to the list of thing I need to do in the coming weeks (this actually calms me, to get it out of my head) and cruised around the theology blogs for a bit.
I am not quite sure how to be who I want to become, but I am pretty sure I know when I'm inching towards the cliff of NotWhatIWant.
The shoes were found. I'll go get them tomorrow.
Oh. Wait.
I hate consumerism. Mostly because I am so good at being apart of it. Much like I get irritated by people who exhibit behavior I have identified as negative in myself, I am irritated by suburban sprawl, generic shopping malls and fast food.
You saw this post, right?
I also don't like hypocrisy.
I have to go days not talking to myself.
This is all to say, we needed a few items at Target today. The kids were in pretty good spirits and we got through much of the "needs" list with no problem. But I was increasingly stressed and overwhelmed by the holiday spirit in the store. I could feel my pulse quickening and my brain spinning as I passed sparkling scarves and evening bags (*we never go out. so sad. I wish I had a reason to buy sparkly scarves.) , gingerbread kits (* we get the ones at Michael's, should I just get these? Will we do it soon? After Thanksgiving? Is this a good price? Why don't I know prices better?) and Christmas tree ornaments. 8 feet tall cardboard red display trees are everywhere holding stocking stuffers. (*stocking stuffers. I don't have any. More money. Do we have stockings? Where are they?) Christmas cards, stickers and wrapping paper nearly tied me in a bow as I pass by. (*I don't want to do a card. Why, not? What's that about? Do I have to? What will I do? Photos? I said I would always make them...)
I began to lose my train of thought and I began to internally panic that I was not prepared. I had this sinking feeling that I was going to ruin Christmas for my children. Prices would never be this low, quantities would never be this high. I could not wait a minute longer. Just as I was talking myself back to reality, LP threw a shoe at me.
Literally. He had removed a shoe and threw it
At check out I realized we only had one shoe. Due to my marketing driven crazy, my mind left me. I paid for our items and began to retrace our shopping steps with a full cart of bagged items. EG realized the day wasn't going to head the direction she had hoped (park and then lunch at home while LP napped) and took up the cause with some serious effort. "Shoe, here shoe! Oh, shoe-y, shoe...where are you?"
We didn't find it. I almost prayed about it but then figured God was busy with more pressing matters. I did have the distinct feeling that I could use a bit of purpose and focus and that perhaps, just perhaps, I was losing a grip on my otherwise held together self, but I hoped deep breathing may do the trick. It hadn't been turned in to the lost and found desk, when it because necessary for us to leave*, so I gave my name and phone number. (the security guard had began to circle.)
I unloaded the cart into the back on my car, only to realize I had forgotten dishwasher detergent.* We headed back inside. (one thing I realized as I looked at other people's One Day photos is that my house is a real mess on a daily basis. Something I am not proud of, nor focused enough to fix.)
Once we had settled ourselves in the car. I started to make amends for the botched afternoon.
I don't know. Once a you've fallen down the marketers dream hole, why not keep falling. McDonald's sounded like an easy enough place to grab lunch, they serve crow right? I realized yet again, we only go for the toy.
Much of the rest of the afternoon went fine, I came out of my holiday frenzy, accomplished loads and loads of laundry, added to the list of thing I need to do in the coming weeks (this actually calms me, to get it out of my head) and cruised around the theology blogs for a bit.
I am not quite sure how to be who I want to become, but I am pretty sure I know when I'm inching towards the cliff of NotWhatIWant.
The shoes were found. I'll go get them tomorrow.
Oh. Wait.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
One Day-Wed. November 14, 2012
When the Hollywood Housewife suggested last week (?) to document One Day, I put it on my calendar. Then Wednesday, November 14, 2012 began to fill up. Tuesday, I wondered to myself why I was going to add one more project to the day. Looking it over, simply getting through the day may have been a major cause for celebration, documenting much of it may have pushed it from busy to down right insane.
But I did it. My camera and I traveled (88 miles) together all day long. The kids called me the Camera Woman and wondered why "me and my friends" were doing this.
To add to the festivities, my Husband decided to get new tires for my car today. So the morning would also involve switching cars and driving his car throughout the day. The appointment for the tires was about the same time he usually takes BB to school, so today instead of Dad taking BB...me and my merry morning friends would get a jump on the day together.
The day started at 5am with the last cup of coffee from Tuesday. I warmed it up and tried to make it last until I could get some more. The day progresses with drop off of BB, attempt to get coffee, drop off of EG and a brief stay at school to "help" other women on a birthday gift project for the teacher. From there LP and I would go look for jeans for me and then pick up EG. EG, LP and I would meet up my co-worker for lunch and a quick run through of the Family Life Ministry Calendar. We'd then drive to get BB from school a few minutes early so that we could go back to get EG and BB a haircut. After the trim, we would go home. At home I had an hour or so to make two corn casseroles for the church Thanksgiving Feast. We would all head to choir and the feast, before arriving back home where I would attempt to upload the photos while Husband told me about his day. At this point fatigue hits me and I give a grumpy look.
"I have been taking care of people all day, can I just do this project for a bit...then I'll come listen to your stories." says I.
"Alright. But my stories may change your life." says he.
"Uh...We'll see." I offer, as I plug in the camera to the computer and begin to type.
But I did it. My camera and I traveled (88 miles) together all day long. The kids called me the Camera Woman and wondered why "me and my friends" were doing this.
To add to the festivities, my Husband decided to get new tires for my car today. So the morning would also involve switching cars and driving his car throughout the day. The appointment for the tires was about the same time he usually takes BB to school, so today instead of Dad taking BB...me and my merry morning friends would get a jump on the day together.
The day started at 5am with the last cup of coffee from Tuesday. I warmed it up and tried to make it last until I could get some more. The day progresses with drop off of BB, attempt to get coffee, drop off of EG and a brief stay at school to "help" other women on a birthday gift project for the teacher. From there LP and I would go look for jeans for me and then pick up EG. EG, LP and I would meet up my co-worker for lunch and a quick run through of the Family Life Ministry Calendar. We'd then drive to get BB from school a few minutes early so that we could go back to get EG and BB a haircut. After the trim, we would go home. At home I had an hour or so to make two corn casseroles for the church Thanksgiving Feast. We would all head to choir and the feast, before arriving back home where I would attempt to upload the photos while Husband told me about his day. At this point fatigue hits me and I give a grumpy look.
"I have been taking care of people all day, can I just do this project for a bit...then I'll come listen to your stories." says I.
"Alright. But my stories may change your life." says he.
"Uh...We'll see." I offer, as I plug in the camera to the computer and begin to type.
Wed. November 14, 2012 One Day in Photos
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)