It is hard to see the passing of time in those around you. It is only when you are gone for a while that your eyes adjust to what time and nature has done. Growth. Deterioration.
I took note of this during communion on Sunday. I tell time with this congregation on a month to month basis and it is always striking to me what has gone on...
Hands that have aged.
Rings that have been removed.
Babies that are seemingly 12 times bigger than a month ago.
Children who utter complete sentences.
The elderly man, missing from his wife's side at the railing.
Teenagers who have grown even taller.
The woman with Alzheimers who isn't sitting beside her husband at worship today.
Faces that look more drawn.
Hair that is growing in.
It made me look more closely at my own family. Taking in each day...because in a month so much can change.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Update
I have never watched so much tv at one sitting.
The cookies worked. BB pretty much made them himself with me half paying attention. I think too much flour went in...they never really browned and are dry as sand. BB, who would have been able to eat as many as he wanted as I had my eyes glued to NBC, only ate two.
The funniest moment came when BB was convinced he met the Mondale's while in MN. I imagine he heard the announcer talking about MN as the former VP walked in and decided to enter his mother's fantasy world. He was so fragile throughout the day that I just wasn't going to argue with him. "You know them?" "Yes, I sh-ink I met them in MN. I sh-ink when I was two...or maybe I was one. The year I had a baseball cake."
After a day of a three year old left to his own devices, our home looks very much like I imagine The Mall does tonight. Perhaps, I should check back in with my children before I dress for the balls this evening. :)
The cookies worked. BB pretty much made them himself with me half paying attention. I think too much flour went in...they never really browned and are dry as sand. BB, who would have been able to eat as many as he wanted as I had my eyes glued to NBC, only ate two.
The funniest moment came when BB was convinced he met the Mondale's while in MN. I imagine he heard the announcer talking about MN as the former VP walked in and decided to enter his mother's fantasy world. He was so fragile throughout the day that I just wasn't going to argue with him. "You know them?" "Yes, I sh-ink I met them in MN. I sh-ink when I was two...or maybe I was one. The year I had a baseball cake."
After a day of a three year old left to his own devices, our home looks very much like I imagine The Mall does tonight. Perhaps, I should check back in with my children before I dress for the balls this evening. :)
44
How do you explain to a three year old that today is a really important, exciting day? "Please be quiet while Mommy watches tv. No, this isn't any normal program. This is a big deal."
Screams abound. They only get louder as we try to quiet him.
My parenting guilt sets in.
An internal conversation begins:
Punish him for screaming because I need to be focused on the tv? Send him to his room because he isn't listening? Ignore him?
Throws himself on the floor. Screaming and screaming. Now he wants to watch his firefighter show.
EG has gone to bed. Practically took herself there in an attempt to escape her insane family.
With dramatic flair I stomp off saying, "I'll just go to Mom's group, after all." (Where oh where does BB gets his drama?)
At this point Dad gets involved. Calmly trying to explain the big day to BB. No success. But as BB heads away, Dad looks at me and whispers emphatically," Just send him to his room. You want to watch this...it's a big day. He'll get over it."
Then an idea hits me. Cookies.
BB is still screaming and whining as he moves from room to room trying to get us to follow his lead.
"BB, let's make cookies while we watch the Inauguration."
It is amazing how quickly that passion and noise can stop. Silence and smiles. A little jump and a clap. We head to the kitchen to watch history.
Screams abound. They only get louder as we try to quiet him.
My parenting guilt sets in.
An internal conversation begins:
Punish him for screaming because I need to be focused on the tv? Send him to his room because he isn't listening? Ignore him?
Throws himself on the floor. Screaming and screaming. Now he wants to watch his firefighter show.
EG has gone to bed. Practically took herself there in an attempt to escape her insane family.
With dramatic flair I stomp off saying, "I'll just go to Mom's group, after all." (Where oh where does BB gets his drama?)
At this point Dad gets involved. Calmly trying to explain the big day to BB. No success. But as BB heads away, Dad looks at me and whispers emphatically," Just send him to his room. You want to watch this...it's a big day. He'll get over it."
Then an idea hits me. Cookies.
BB is still screaming and whining as he moves from room to room trying to get us to follow his lead.
"BB, let's make cookies while we watch the Inauguration."
It is amazing how quickly that passion and noise can stop. Silence and smiles. A little jump and a clap. We head to the kitchen to watch history.
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
Conversations
"You lazy, EG!" shouts BB as I dress her on our bed.
"She's not lazy."
"Yes, she is."
"What does lazy mean?"
Pause. "You tell I."
"If you don't know what a word means you shouldn't use it. Lazy means someone isn't working hard enough or is sitting around." (Which at this point I realize she is just sitting around...)
"I want to call her lazy." Time to ignore him.
"Let's call her happy. Or smiley. Or silly. (or even stinky, I want to add.) Or squirmy..."
"I want to call her lazy!" he says with an emphatic gesture and a dramatic throwing of himself on to the floor.
He instantaneously jumps up and stands beside me as I dress her.
"Or, I will call her Jesus. Life of God, Jesus."
"Sure, this whole train of thought makes perfect sense", I think, as I chuckle to myself.
He moves in closer to her toes and begins to tickle her and gently pat her legs...in a very sweet, sincere voice he says, "Hi, little lazy baby Jesus."
"She's not lazy."
"Yes, she is."
"What does lazy mean?"
Pause. "You tell I."
"If you don't know what a word means you shouldn't use it. Lazy means someone isn't working hard enough or is sitting around." (Which at this point I realize she is just sitting around...)
"I want to call her lazy." Time to ignore him.
"Let's call her happy. Or smiley. Or silly. (or even stinky, I want to add.) Or squirmy..."
"I want to call her lazy!" he says with an emphatic gesture and a dramatic throwing of himself on to the floor.
He instantaneously jumps up and stands beside me as I dress her.
"Or, I will call her Jesus. Life of God, Jesus."
"Sure, this whole train of thought makes perfect sense", I think, as I chuckle to myself.
He moves in closer to her toes and begins to tickle her and gently pat her legs...in a very sweet, sincere voice he says, "Hi, little lazy baby Jesus."
Monday, January 05, 2009
Epiphany...a day ahead.
Hello! Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Tomorrow, January 6th is Epiphany on the Christian church calendar but I had to share my 2009 epiphany early.The fog has lifted. The birds are singing. The air is fresh. The sky is blue. Life is wonderful and so, so good.
What you may ask has come over me? A nice dose of thyroid medicine. Holy, amazing, batman...I won't go into any of the details except to say after each of my pregnancies nodes in my thyroid has grown. And that over the course of the last six months I have felt as if aliens overtook by body and very being. Check out this website for the symptoms. (and a bit of PSA: even if your blood work is "normal" if you feel these, push your doctor to get you some help.) But for me the most telling sign was just how dull I felt. I was in conversations but not there. Every moment of life was a chore...a painful, exhausting chore that I began to loathe every moment of. Truly. A normal day was overwhelming work.
Just two weeks into treatment and I am amazed/stunned at how much better I feel. Now, granted, the mundane parts of my day to day life are still there but cleaning the kitchen, laundry, and the like don't overwhelm or exhaust me. The grief and myriad of other feelings remain, but they too don't overwhelm or completely dismantle me any more.
Yesterday, I was dancing around the room and hopping up and down with BB. It was apparent in his face that this was new (and very fun) behavior from me. His excited and precious face reinforced for me how important it is to take care of myself--so I can be the best version of myself.
A cloud has lifted, joy returns. Yay!
As I say good bye** to 2008 and the gut wrenching, faith testing, awe filled, sad, miraculous year that it was, I am thankful for Epiphany. It is good to arrive, if only for a moment, at the cradle of Christ and offer whatever gifts I have. It is good to clearly see the star leading us.
(**or as members of my family said, "Kick its butt out the door.")
A note about the photo above. You will notice that the kings are on their way to the stable but aren't "suppose" to be there yet. BB and I were at silent odds over how close they should be. Every time I passed by the kings over the weekend they were a bit closer than I had intended...so I would move them backwards. Only to find them close again when I passed by. Those poor guys are going backwards as often as they moved forward...hum, sounds about right.
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