A Week in Review

Awe, the joy of Saturday morning. It has been a good week...highlighted by the fact I am no longer experiencing life though the lens of thyroid induced exhaustion. Wow, does that feel good? I can't believe how tired I felt and how energized I feel now.

The other piece that makes my week much easier is that I haven't preached in a while. A few weeks ago I did two weeks in a row. I am always amazing at how much pressure a sermon adds to my overall week. The constant, internal hum of sermon prep wears me down. Everywhere I go and everything I do is done with my wondering, "Can I get something out of this?" Or the scripture ( and often my lack of direction on what to do with it) runs through my mind. The phrase, "I should be..." is said over and over. "I should be working on my sermon." It makes me snap at my kids and feel way too anxious at other times, neither is exactly what scripture was meant to do, right? My hat is off to those of you preaching each week.

While I've enjoyed the free time, I am back at it for next week...

Just for fun, here is a week in review: a few movies, tv shows and products we saw and used, that I wanted to share.

First up is a hair product by Aveda.  My favorite for smells and pure bliss. My hair texture has changed just a bit with each pregnancy. If you didn't study my hair with rap attention you'd probably miss its subtle frizziness. I gave these products , Smooth Infusion shampoo and conditioner a try (with a sample...) and I loved it. It really smoothed out my hair. To the point that my dear husband noticed after I had blow dried it. I don't know how it would be for every shampoo...will it weigh it down? These are the serious issues I will ponder as I think over Luke 5:1-11 this week. But I liked it, so, I'm sharing.

Next up is a movie we watched last night on Nexflix.  If you have Netflix you can watch online--FYI.  We haven't seen a movie set in a foreign country for a while and it felt good to leave America for two hours. Helped enhance the 'escape' we were looking for. 



And then, my latest...sigh...addiction.  I flew through the first season of Mad Men during nap time the past two weeks.


 A scene from the pilot.  It took me 5 or so episodes to really want to keep watching.  In the early episodes the misogyny was just too painful.  (just so you know, there is no violence towards women, just verbal and cultural sexism.  And there isn't the nudity or language of SATC/Weeds/Big Love)  By mid season though, the characters fill out a bit and I was really curious as to how they would all develop.  Here's a clip with the slimiest of men (eww, eww, eww) and the career minded woman.

I may not start season two for a while...I am trying to work on the Mayo Clinic Diet 5 Habits to Keep and Break.

Add five habits

-- Eat a healthy breakfast, but don't eat too much. (Check)

-- Eat at least 3 to 4 servings of vegetables and fruits a day. (eh....maybe?)

-- Eat whole grains, such as whole-grain bread. (Check)

-- Eat healthy fats, such as olive oil and nuts. (Check)

-- Walk or exercise for at least 30 minutes a day. (Nope)

Break five habits

-- Don't watch TV while eating, and spend no more time watching TV than you do exercising. (Nope!!!!!!!)

-- Eat no sugar except what is naturally found in fruit. (Nope)

-- Eat no snacks except vegetables and fruits. (Nope)

-- Limit the amount of meat and low-fat dairy that you eat. (Check)

-- Eat no restaurant food unless it fits in the diet program. (Nope)

Add five bonus habits

-- Keep records of what you eat. (Nope)

-- Keep records of your physical activity.   (Nope)

-- Walk or exercise at least 60 minutes a day.  (Nope)

-- Eat mostly fresh foods and healthy frozen or canned foods. (Check)

-- Write down your daily goals.  (Nope---unless you mean a To Do List??)

Valentine T-shirt-bleach pen

New craft idea with the bleach pen.

rinsing off.

Final product...little hand sneaking in to take it away.

8 years of puppy love

Happy 8th Birthday, Annebelle! 

Here she is this past summer, enjoying her favorite place in the whole wide world.

Love you!

Rebel with a Cause

I don't think anyone would ever describe me as rebellious.  Never.  No one.  I am nearly as square, boring, bland, vanilla, earnest, conscientious, as they come.  Put a people pleasing cherry on top of this stunning descriptive sundae and you'll see my junior high and high school years flash before you.  I have never smoked...anything.  I didn't drink until I was 21.  By then I was a pretty dedicated athlete and in turn my real drinking (ha, ha) didn't start up until seminary.  I can count on one hand how many times anyone would have even thought I might be intoxicated.  BORING...I know.

So I make up for it with my colorful language.  Again, this really took off in seminary.  I blame it on a certain classmate, now senior pastor who can/could drop the 'f' bomb like sailor.  I think my casual use of many swear words still startles people.  Good...something about me should.

But since having kids, I have tried to calm it down a bit.  I've done pretty well.  I still realize I say plenty of things I don't want my kids to say...BB's favorite, "What the heck." has made me even more aware of this.

So, my friends...a bit of conversational homework. 

Head over to The Mommy Revolution and tell me what you think of this conversation.  It is a conversation over what words are 'ok' in your house. Or if you don't have little people in your house on a regular basis, what is your impression of a kid's language.  When you hear a wee one saying he has to piss...what's your reaction?  (beside laughing)

Stupid is on my list of 'no-no's'.  As is heck, shut up, butt, crap, piss...and all the obvious ones.  My kids are 4 and 1.10 months...so still pretty young to understand nuance. 

Because I Had To.

First off, I'm sorry.  While I blog a with a thin veil of anonymity, I don't mean to be exclusive or to create a clique of 'insiders.'  I hope you understand me to be open and inviting.  This entry isn't one of those times.  This photo is an inside joke.

Procrastination

I *should* be reading and preparing for classes tomorrow night. 

Instead, I organized my purse.

 Before:

Here are the contents, all spread out on my desk:

I ordered these to save the day (don't love the colors, but they were on sale):

All done.  We shall see how long this lasts.

 

Now, I suppose I should go back to reading and preparing...

Two Years

I have had this blog for two years.  Amazing to me that time has passed that fast.  I am really thankful to have this collection of thoughts and stories to mark the passing of time--the fact some of you read and comment, is just a huge bonus.  Thanks!!

It all started here...

Cookies for a Tea Party

I made these for my niece's second birthday.  I have a friend who has made felt cookies for her kids to play with and her mom made a tea bag for a party--they inspired me.  When you search the topic of felt play foods you come up with quite a few websites.  Great ideas and inspiration!

For some reason I needed the project to be as easy as possible.  So, I ordered a few kits from Lilly Bean.  I found her off of Martha Stewart.  It wasn't super expensive and arrived at my door with ease.  I ended up hand sewing these instead of breaking out my machine.  I blanket stitched the edges.  They would have been cuter with embroidery thread on the edges, but I kept it simple.

BB loved them and wants some of his own.  I have a few more kits from Lilly Bean to make and I also bought felt from Michaels to make simple round cookies next week.  They were quick, fun and pretty cute.

Sunshine, and Rain

It was an odd day.  I woke to an email announcing the separation of a friend's marriage.  Stunned and saddened, I continued to scan my emails and face book pages, all full of news, reflection and calls to action in Haiti. 

At some point in the day, the news broke across the ELCA community that a seminarian was killed in the earthquake.  Friend after friend posted a call for prayers for his family.  It happens that he is the son of two pastors, his mother a former bishop.  It isn't that this makes it more sad, or this death more important than the 100,000 (gasp) of other people mourning or searching, but it does mean I can see the faces of those wracked in pain tonight.  I know who is suffering in grief and those sitting stunned by how this tragedy has come to sit in their living room.

What makes this day more odd is that I am happy.  The months of thyroid induced malaise has passed.  Our little family, quirks and all, is about as good as it has been in years.  We sit in our house (ok, it is still the same house...but that is another post) all cuddled up reading books and chatting around the table.  We smile and snuggle and kiss and talk.  I even have a date tomorrow night.  As I type I am listing to my husband and BB chat and laugh in the quiet rhythm that is uniquely theirs.

Like any good addict I know that as I type, I am missing two tv shows, but I choose to leave them off for now.  The books on my nightstand and my pajamas are calling me.  Baby steps.

I did all I could do today.  I wrote an email back to my friend expressing my sorrow and support.  I said prayers for the thousands of mothers and fathers whose arms are empty tonight.  I sent money to the Lutheran World Relief.  I offered countless prayers with my friends.  And, I gave thanks.

It was a day buoyed by unbelievable joy at new life, and simultaneously covered in sorrow at the vulnerability of humanity.

We await tomorrow, fully of grace and with strength enough to do what we can.

No Jogging (suits) Allowed

This morning my husband left the house at 7am.  Those of you who know him and his morning routine, can get up off the floor and close your mouths.  Needless to say this change in habits threw us off a bit.

EG was dressed and BB had the "wrong" pants on. (they were dirty and didn't match his top so I told him to change.)  He was fussing and ignoring me and playing.  EG got her socks on, her shoes on and had her coat on when I used a more...powerful...voice with BB.

"Mom.  (calm, with hands out, palms up, shaking them) What is all the fussing about?  You aren't ready."
"Please do not use that tone with me.  Change your pants and come get your socks and shoes on."

He turns away and goes to his room to get his pants changed and on the way back to me checks out how his imaginary cake is doing in the play kitchen.

"BB, get over here.  We are going to be late for your school.  Here are your socks and shoes. EG and I are going to get into the car."

He turns around as an absolute look of HORROR comes over his face.

"MOM!  MOM!!  You can not wear your pajamas to school."

I look down at myself and internally giggle.  No, no, it hasn't come to that, I had changed from my pjs.  But, my jeans and usual 'work' pants were dirty so I was wearing a tracksuit --not my proudest moment, but I was going to let others think I was off to the gym.

"BB, I am dressed."
"No you aren't.  Those look like your pajamas."

And in a huff, he picked up a sock to put it on.

A Life by Candle Light

Every once in awhile I catch my son singing a song from his preschool religious education time.  The program is called Godly Play and I love it.  When I hear him sing, I have to be careful not to look directly at him, least he stop.  He also won't sing upon request unless he is VERY confident that he knows the song.

On his own I can tell he is working on a song that has these lines...."alone we are one little light, but together we shine bright."  He won't tell me the final line and I have forgotten it.  From google, I think it might be from a Jewish folk song.

I think too many of us have lost sight of the finite limits of our individual light and the infinite wattage of our united luminary.  I'm thinking in general terms, as well as specifically to the my denomination, and membership congregation.

Withholding funds, directing money, withholding attendance or quitting all together...the sum of these actions is making me so sad.  I am physically pained when I am in certain groups of people.  And, yet again, I leave large gatherings feeling completely and utterly alone. Isolated by my theology, politics and philosophy.  I have a certain expectation and comfort when I feel this way among strangers or a "new/different" group...but to feel it amongst "my own,"  it cuts closer to my quick.

I guess we can add stewardship, and the understanding of The Body of Christ, and the work of the larger church to the growing list of topics we need to cover in more theological depth.

"alone we are one little light, but together we shine bright."

Part of the Problem

If you are a reader of this blog, you know that for months...years...I have been trying to get "back on track."  The following things might be part of the derailment issue:

email
facebook
blogs
writing my blog
twitter
and then there are my television shows...

Desperate Housewives
Castle
Greys Anatomy
Private Practice
Brothers and Sisters
Modern Family
CougarTown (can. not. believe. that I just wrote that down.)
Biggest Loser

And on Netflix:
Big Love
Weeds

along with various other tv shows that can only be watched via cable (which, thank goodness, we don't have.) and older ones I remember from my childhood.
Cagney and Lacey
30Something
et cetera, et cetera...

Now mind you many of these tv shows are watched over the internet and at my own time.  But still, this is a bit ridiculous.

So, you should all clap and offer well wishes for my strength over the weekend.
1. I didn't  log on to facebook from Friday night (ish) until Sunday night (ish)
2. When Desperate Housewives began to bore me on Sunday night, I turned it off.

Can you believe my sheer strength and will power?

Guys and Dolls

Over the past six months our doll collection has gone from two (BB's) to eight.  EG is given dolls with the same frequency as BB was given trucks.  On most days I find comfort in the fact she loves to drive the trucks around and he stops to check on the odd baby when he has a moment.  I can also admit that she is drawn more to the dolls than he was at her age.  I admit they play with the toys a bit differently.  I can chalk that up to gender and accept it.

But in the back of my mind the phrase, "they are different people" plays over and over.  We aren't just boys and girls.  We are people and each of us approaches the world differently...because of our skin color, hair color, ethnic culture, education, parenting and yes, our gender.

Why is this such a radical concept?  Why must we reduce everything to blue and pink?  Trucks and dolls?

When I say I am a feminist, it comes from one simple phrase from a NOW poster:  Feminism is that radical notion that women are people.

BB has been in preschool for four months now.  The big, bad, outside world is creeping into my home.  He's play acting super heroes and talking about Star Wars and punching the couch and pretending to use his finger as a gun.  All things that my head explode and my heart crumble.  "NOOOOOOO!!!!" my whole being cries out.

He wasn't allowed to look at a tv until he was three and even now he only watches a few dvds, mostly the Mighty Machine series.  He's a smart kid, so he knows how to get a charge out of Mommy.  He also knows and respects that "we don't do" certain things...like pirates and guns and that physical fighting isn't tolerated.

I'm a smart kid, too.  I know that each of these issues in nuanced and that my fellow parents are doing their best.  Every family has different goals and styles.  I need to have a talk with the preschool teachers and I have been putting it off because I don't want to be "that parent."  The whiny, self righteous, "it is all about my kid" type of parent.  I don't want to come off as judgmental.

But the reality is, parenting is always a judgment call.  With each move you make you are making a judgment.  The balance is, to maintain your values without tearing apart the other person.  Sometimes, we aren't as mindful about our decisions.  "What's the harm in a Batman movie?"  "His Dad hunts."  "They are just playing."  "I did that all the time as a kid."  and my favorite..."Boys will be boys."

It is that last one I can't accept.  That is the one that holds no shred of weight in my mind.  It is the one that gets people crossed off my list of possible kindred spirits.  (horrible, I know, and I confess.)

This post was inspired by BB.  As I was placing my latest book order, he came in to ask for help putting on EG's latest doll's clothes.  "I want her to wear this, but I can't quite get it on. Can you do it?"  I gave a bit of guidance and told him to try again.  I realized what great small motor skills it was developing and what eye hand coordination it required.

And, as he left, I had to smile at the person he is becoming.

Winter Wonderland

 We had a snow day today.  We received a pretty large amount of snow (for where we live) and it has made things very, very beautiful.  Snow does that.  Someone described it as grace dancing.  I described it as wonder and awe.  Some see frozen rain...they aren't the poets among us.

The photos in this entry are from the Winter Wonderland where I grew up.  We took them over Christmas.  It was a great week to watch snow fall and fall.  We stayed warm inside baking and talking and watching the kids run around.  (Oh, and work on those Christmas cards.)  We headed out to downhill ski, make snowpeople and snow forts.  Some went ice skating and sledding and skiing.

The people I live among right now are good people.  On most any given day I enjoy many of them.  They can not, however, drive a snow plow or drive a car with more than a light freezing rain.

So, we stayed home and enjoyed the falling grace.

(and to those who have wondered: yes, that is 'snow' falling on my page right now. No need to have your vision checked.)

 

May I Recommend...

this blog...The Painted Prayerbook.  I would love ANY of her artwork and find her insights breathtaking.

2010

My friend Jennie, who walks over at The Emmaus Road, wrote something in an entry on her new years resolutions that I just loved..."As a recovering perfectionist who has found a life-source in grace..."  It holds the tension inherent in all resolutions.  I rarely make them.  Every so often I feel a need to start over...to repent or to do better.

In 37 years I have learned that I lack will power.  I am strong.  I am stubborn.  I am dependable.  Just not when it comes to doing anything consistently.

Most nights I don't wash my face, I forget to brush my teeth, I take vitamins randomly.  I apply all the expensive creams I buy on a very erratic basis.  If my whole being wouldn't shut down, I wouldn't get out of bed each morning to take my thyroid meds.

So you see why a resolution might be out of the realm of possibilities with me.  I mean, really, why bring more guilt upon oneself?

But I have hopes.  So here are some hopes for the next year...

I hope...
to take better care of myself.
to not take better care of myself with sugar cookies and baked goods.
to work on developing deeper relationships...with people who share my interests.  Interests beyond motherhood.
to find space (physical and time) to be creative.
to hang out with my husband more.
to get a better grasp on what I actually have control over and then excerise said control when applicable.

As a recovering perfectionist myself, I would love to put concrete goals out there...but I think I will stick to 'hopes.'  Here's hopin' that works out for me.

Christmas Card 2009