Too much. Too litte.

Where's the 'just right' in life?
EG has been studying the story Goldilocks and the Three Bears at school.  If you ask her, she will repeat the entire story for you.  After a weekend of traveling with her, and only her, I know the story well.
It is the human search for those people, places and moments that are 'just right.'

I took EG with me on my trip back home.  I was there for my seminary class reunion and to see some family and to just get away.  The three days held a bit of each...not enough of any, but some of each.

At seminary I didn't fully re-enter to the world of theological smart talk.  Nor could I help but snicker at the ways leaders talk about their parishioners.  Comments such as "giving her permission to live her passion" and "helping them understand the richness of God's gifts" take awhile to adjust to, especially when you are just pursuing note cards and pouring coffee.  Some of it is regional, as pastors strive to impress each other while back at the mother ship seminary or are so steeped in being the predominate denomination that they are never shaken out of their reality.

Because my reality is much more one of 'parishioner' than 'leader.'  At seminary I am much more one of "them," than "us."

Today is Tuesday and I am able to write this blog entry because I am taking a break from a small group I have been apart of for six years.

I can cite a busy schedule, or LP's nap schedule or the new house projects, but really it is because they aren't theologically minded enough.  Try as I might, I can't get the conversation to dig deeper into anyone's experience.  Nor can I engage them in conversation that pushes us to think about God's presence in our life in a deeper more rich way.  On any given Tuesday the conversation only goes as deep as "God is great, pass the coffee cake, please."

Within this group I am primarily a Mom, but I am also known as a pastor.  I'm not their pastor, but the role and call remains present in every interaction.  Whenever a question about church or the Bible comes up most eyes look to me.  My thoughts stop the flow of conversation as if they are the end all of observation.  And then, my insistence of returning to solid theology or a systematic approach to our relationship with God is met with silence.  No one really cares too much about what I know or how I think.  Here I am "them" to their "us."

So here I sit thinking on one hand, "no one in the pew talks like this and most churches aren't meeting our needs," and on the other "this group really isn't asking for more from the church or trying to dig deeper into their faith, the church needs to do more to help shape this..."

But I just want to work in my craft room.