Making a Home

We ran away again this weekend.  The four five of us took off for Wisconsin to meet up with friends of ours since high school (the women) and college (all of us).  I was a bit apprehensive to get together with these friends in my state of mind.  I knew the house deal was going south fast.  It is never really a good idea to go to a social event with a spouse to whom you have MUCH to say but nothing that is fit for polite company.

My real hesitation is that this particular family is so ideal.  Their life is so what I long for.  in some ways.  I admire their choices.  I admire their contentment and the joy they get from the simple things in life.  She always seems at peace...with herself, her choices, her marriage.  I am nearly always the opposite.  Where I love drama she loves realty.  She also takes very good care of herself.  She finds enjoyment in exercise and is renewed by solitude.  In many ways we have very little in common, but we are friends.  Best of friends, and she has been a rock in my adult life.

But she is also someone I can't hide from.  Not that I hide much or fake much, but most people in my day to day life have only known me for a few years.  My friend has seen me through many more stages.  I imagine she had hopes and ideas about how my life may turn out.  I have not lived up to either of our standards in many arenas.

Standing in a zero depth pool in my new spandex based swimsuit proved that to be true.  There was no hiding.  No hiding what I have been up to and what I have given up on.

But while some areas of my life are in need of some work, other areas have matured.  Like the fact I made peace with my spandex suit and had fun in the pool with my friends and kids.  I also worked hard to not be Negative Nellie about my life Here.  I spoke about my job and activities with a positive tone.  I tried to be the person I hope to be.  I wasn't always faking it, either.

As we drove away I was dreading the usual sadness that comes as I turn away from the life I had hoped to live.  This time it wasn't so bad.  When I arrived in our driveway, I was thankful for a fun weekend with dear friends and thankful for this place I call home.

And just to say, "Welcome back" this Town did something it never does...it was NICE to me.  I went to a local appliance store in search of buying some touch up paint for our stove. (there is a small chip that looks bad as one is trying to sell said stove)  The clerk seemed to know of a secret stash and went around the store looking for it and then asking his supervisor if it would be ok to give it to me.  Online the paint is $15.  When I asked how much it was at the store, he said it was free.  WHAT?!  People are NEVER this nice here.  Simple acts of kindness like that NEVER happen...or at least it FEELS like they NEVER happen.  They charge you for everything Here.

I left the store hopeful that I might be able to create a home Here...at least, more hopeful than I had been before I ran away.