Not Mine to Tell

"You knew about that?"

"How'd you learn she did that?"

"When did that happen?"

I learn things about people.  Lots of things.  It is an occupational hazard.  People I hardly know tell me things about their lives.  Grocery clerks.  Old women at Target.  It might be because I smile at them or give a self deprecating joke as I navigate the aisles with kids.  I'm not sure, but something about me allows people to share.

Of course it happens within the Office of being a Pastor.  I expect that.  And perhaps it is a natural gift that makes ministry appealing or perhaps it is ministry that has given me skills to attend to people...where ever I am.  A funny thing happens within the church community, though.  People assume I know things about their lives.  I'm not sure if they think Pastors are given a summary from God upon arrival at a congregation or if they just assume the other pastor tells me.  Neither are true.

I love people's stories.  Even if I don't particularly enjoy the person, I love to figure out who they are and how they got to be the way they are when I meet them.  I find it all very interesting.  Even the most mundane life, isn't what it seems.  Funny things happen to each of us on any given day.  Fascinating and funny enough that the story teller in me has to retell the good material.

But not all stories are mine to tell.  I don't know where the line always is, and I'm sure I cross over it from time to time.  I know there are a lot of parts of a person's story that aren't mine to tell.  So, I don't.

It is hard to keep some of the things I know to myself.  Some because they are just so absurd.  Some because the weight of carrying the burden is too heavy.  It is why pastors need counselors and good, trust worthy friends--preferably in another town.  They need some place to re-tell the stories and clear their hearts and minds.  Too many secrets bottled up usually explode in the most unhealthy of ways.

As a child I was always mortified when my mom would start to tell something about me (usually something I was going to be doing or something I had been up to) to a friend of hers.  Looking back she probably knew and trusted the person, while they were a complete stranger to me.  I was probably appearing aloof, bordering on rude.  She wasn't sharing personal details per see but to me they were things I didn't need to chat about in the church parking lot or West Gate Mall.  I wanted control over my story.  So I understand the need to keep things private.  Even the mundane.

If your dog eats the birthday cake you spend three hours making while your two year old frosts herself in the living room, I may have to share that.  If your husband dresses in women clothing and works the night shift at a strip club, I'll keep that to myself...I think.  But I know the truly personal chapters and I do my best to let the authors share their own work, at their own pace.

(both of those examples are completely made up.  I promise.)