Kids on the Block

We have new neighbors near us. Lovely people. Two small kids near in age to BB. Their presence has increased BB's time outside. If he catches a glimpse of his new friends outside, zip, zap he is out the door. Peer pressure starts early, I guess. The new presence of kids to play with on a daily basis has increased BB's sassy level, he much more hyper and jazzed. Needless to say, I don't like it. He now calls me 'Ma, Ma' in a sweet sing-songy--baby voice--instead of his flat nearly stoic, 'Mom.' I don't like this change either.

Sometime this week I read this blog entry. The new kids in my life plus this entry got me thinking.  (read her entry and some comments to fully understand the conversation I am entering.)

The first realization I came to was that, I don't allow haven't encouraged the kids to have many 'play-dates.'  They have spent time in church nurseries...a couple of hours a month.  They have played with the kids of my friends.  They play at parks and museums.  But, I haven't encouraged many in house play times...even with familiar parents from church or school.

I'm a control freak.  No way around it.  I want my kids exposed to what I what them exposed to.  In my defense for those who don't know me...I don't run screaming from a situation where they are exposed to something...say a random Batman character or water gun.  In public, I'm no where near a drama queen and actually do my best to down play any internal craziness...how well I do will show up in the comment section of this entry.

But as I thought it over these are the biggies that I watch for and limit exposure to--mostly with families we are just meeting at school or church.  Obviously, I have friends who don't share my thoughts or intensity on some of these issues...friendship seems to trump differences for me.  Probably, because I either know the intent and, just to sound cheesy--heart--of my friend.  Also, as friends we can talk about differences.

(first off, I'm not even listing inappropriate touching, tickling or sexual comments...I think they are a given, rather than a peculiarity from family to family.  Also, known drug/alcohol abuse aren't even optional.  For me firearms in the home make my list as well--fully acknowledging that I am out of many people's mainstream views on this point.)

1.  Manners and attempt at respecting each other.  In my early parenting and  pre-parenting life I was even more harsh on this.  "Teach your children to say 'Please and thank you'.  They should be able to say 'Hi' when greeted."  Then I had children and I do teach them.  I model it.  They are still woefully lacking and so I cut the kids some slack...but a parent that is rude or doesn't model good manners, basic civility and respect for those around them won't be spending much time with my kids.

2.  Age appropriate toys and themes.  We are going to be the nerds on the block on this one until our kids go off to college.  I think four is too young for Super Heroes and Star Wars.  I think two is too young for a manicure and even pretend make-up.  I think we are encouraging our kids to grow up way too fast in all areas.  It has taken me all year to formulate an argument past, "I think it is wrong that PeterPaulSam wears and talks about Star Wars all day long."  (and I really wish he hadn't taught you about it at school.)

It pushes two buttons...first, we are rushing childhood.  (and allowing marketing to do so--but that is another entry all together.)  My son is four.  4.  FOUR.  If he is playing with toys and themes traditionally created for eight to ten year-olds, what will he be doing when he IS eight or ten?  Not playing video games...not with the nerd parents he has.  Why are we rushing their childhoods along?
Which pushes me to reason number two, 'We' don't like to say no to our kids.  It is a pain to have to explain why our family doesn't buy that or read this or turn on the TV then.  It is a pain to say "Nope.  You are too young." and then listen to whining.  Especially, when you know Batman isn't inherently a bad guy.  So the collective 'we' cave.  (somewhere in this paragraph might be a parenting style deal breaker as well...)

All I will add for my daughter is that I think there is very little value in teaching girls about princesses.  Seriously?  What are we teaching with this message?  Now, dress up...being fancy does not bother me as much.  Again, she's two. How fancy does a two year old really need to be?  She is extremely happy to have discovered sand.  The adornment and fanciness young girls are emulating is more complex and less clear cut in my mind than violence, rage, and fighting.  I have next year to formulate my thoughts on this.

In this category falls, gender roles.  I have a boy and I have a girl.  I can't can sit here and write that there aren't inherent differences between the two.  But, I prefer to view it as they are different people.  I cringe when people put labels of "boy toys" and "girl toys" on things.  I bite my lip when people only pick 'pink or purple' when guessing what EG's favorite color is.  (It is yellow or orange--and she'll tell you.)  I love the faces when people learn my son loves Fancy Nancy (the book) or when we bought him a doll at two.  EG loves blocks and trucks.  Granted, she loves to play trucks WITH her brother.  I see her drawn to social interaction in a different way than BB.  I see him pick up interaction between stuffed animals or toy people from her leading.  But it seems healthier to allow these differences to be articulated as unique to the individual, rather than "because he's a boy and she's a girl."

3.  Religion, politics...
Obviously, I have thoughts here.  I think if I came across someone forcing their ideas on my kids (verses casual comments or slip ups) our time together would be over.  I have the image of someone sitting my kid down to tell them the ills of X or Y political party or sharing some off the grid religious doctrine with them.  (Now, mind you this area is more of an issue within family, than it is among our friends.)  Likewise, if someone felt a need to dismiss or challenge my kid's belief--I would see red.

In some ways I am simply jumping in to the conversation started at The Hollywood Housewife.  It also struck me as a helpful exercise to really narrow what are my deal breakers...and I'll always take a moment to share my opinion...at least anonymously.  ;)