Guys and Dolls

Over the past six months our doll collection has gone from two (BB's) to eight.  EG is given dolls with the same frequency as BB was given trucks.  On most days I find comfort in the fact she loves to drive the trucks around and he stops to check on the odd baby when he has a moment.  I can also admit that she is drawn more to the dolls than he was at her age.  I admit they play with the toys a bit differently.  I can chalk that up to gender and accept it.

But in the back of my mind the phrase, "they are different people" plays over and over.  We aren't just boys and girls.  We are people and each of us approaches the world differently...because of our skin color, hair color, ethnic culture, education, parenting and yes, our gender.

Why is this such a radical concept?  Why must we reduce everything to blue and pink?  Trucks and dolls?

When I say I am a feminist, it comes from one simple phrase from a NOW poster:  Feminism is that radical notion that women are people.

BB has been in preschool for four months now.  The big, bad, outside world is creeping into my home.  He's play acting super heroes and talking about Star Wars and punching the couch and pretending to use his finger as a gun.  All things that my head explode and my heart crumble.  "NOOOOOOO!!!!" my whole being cries out.

He wasn't allowed to look at a tv until he was three and even now he only watches a few dvds, mostly the Mighty Machine series.  He's a smart kid, so he knows how to get a charge out of Mommy.  He also knows and respects that "we don't do" certain things...like pirates and guns and that physical fighting isn't tolerated.

I'm a smart kid, too.  I know that each of these issues in nuanced and that my fellow parents are doing their best.  Every family has different goals and styles.  I need to have a talk with the preschool teachers and I have been putting it off because I don't want to be "that parent."  The whiny, self righteous, "it is all about my kid" type of parent.  I don't want to come off as judgmental.

But the reality is, parenting is always a judgment call.  With each move you make you are making a judgment.  The balance is, to maintain your values without tearing apart the other person.  Sometimes, we aren't as mindful about our decisions.  "What's the harm in a Batman movie?"  "His Dad hunts."  "They are just playing."  "I did that all the time as a kid."  and my favorite..."Boys will be boys."

It is that last one I can't accept.  That is the one that holds no shred of weight in my mind.  It is the one that gets people crossed off my list of possible kindred spirits.  (horrible, I know, and I confess.)

This post was inspired by BB.  As I was placing my latest book order, he came in to ask for help putting on EG's latest doll's clothes.  "I want her to wear this, but I can't quite get it on. Can you do it?"  I gave a bit of guidance and told him to try again.  I realized what great small motor skills it was developing and what eye hand coordination it required.

And, as he left, I had to smile at the person he is becoming.