Muscle Memory

Today is a sad day.  I have no cognitive reason why.  I just woke up, sad.

~I had a wonderful coffee meet up with friends.  But towards the end my dear friend and I both nearly teared up over the emotions our kids bring out in us.  Feeling so much of what they are going through...probably more so, because they are so much like us.  Amazing how someone, (me), who can't remember facts and stories from childhood can remember the feeling of not being understood as a kid or that isolated 'lonely' that comes from trying to make friends when young (or middle aged, as the case may be.)

~20 years ago I was receiving medals and accolades for my hard work as an athlete.  Just read my hometown paper...under What Was Happening...20, 30, 40, 50 Years Ago--I am now old enough to make the history page.  As the USA Nordic Combined team won silver at the Olympics there as has been a lot of reminiscing going on amongst my HS/College teammates, my family and within my own head.  It makes me cry to see people ski.  There has to be something behind that grief.

~Yesterday was my Grandpa's 88 birthday.  Or it would have been.  Our son is named after him.  He is one of those people whose spirit is woven in to my daily activities.  Mostly under the category of "Grandpa would have been kinder, more loving, more patient, more generous...than I was just then."  He is missed.  Deeply.  Still.

~And, today is Ash Wednesday.  Remember you are dust and to dust you shall return. 

I think my heart remembers all of this, and just woke up sad.