She said it.

Thank you Peacebang.

Thank you, Pr. Pam.

Thank you, Pr. Nadia.

And, for  a real Advent/Christmas gift, check out this video by the Livesays.

Bethlehem is in sight

The package to the distant sibling has been sent.
Gifts for children of all ages have arrived.
BB and my DH are out shopping for me as I type.
We have snow and the kids have been out sledding.
I have pants that will fit me.
FB accounts has been signed off of for the remainder of the year.
Snacks are purchased for trip north.
Christmas with inlaws has been scheduled for tomorrow.
Christmas cards are all that are left...best get to it.

This has been a difficult season for me.  I have been internally fighting the secular 'to do list' and the manic drive to spend and decorate and celebrate in all the ways the culture desires of us.  Mentally, I have written many a blog post on all the ways we try to cram celebration into these four weeks.  Why don't we spread out gifts, cards, parties, coffees, brunches...Why, oh WHY do we do this to ourselves?

In the end I did what I wanted to...told my internal drive 'to do more' to "shut up" ( and I don't say that phrase very often, to anyone.) and went along doing the best I could.

I have written many a judgmental post as well.  Wondering why adults are so obnoxious at preschool programs and why we can't hang up our damn cell phones.  I have even judged people's holiday decorations and Christmas cards.  I have judged myself for how my son is approaching the season...gimme, gimme, gimme. 

But none of them will really benefit anyone, so I hit the delete key in my mind and moved on.  Your Christmas will be all the brighter for not having to read my rants.

Clearing out some of the chaotic mental frustration and holiday angst, helped Bethlehem come in to view.

It isn't a mirage after all!  There, off in the distance is the place Jesus was born, is born, will be born.  I caught sight of it in my rear-view mirror and in the grocery lines and in the eyes of those who dance around my house.  In the end, in spite of all my judgment, and concern, and fear that society is completely lost, devote of any true compass, I catch a glimpse of the place where God came to us.  God's humility, vulnerability and acceptance, strengthens my faith once again.  And I remember, that it is for people such as this...such as myself: judgmental, proud, and self centered...that God put on human flesh and lived among us.

For myself and for you, I wish these final days of Advent to be full of the holy.  Holy waiting in line, holy cooking, holy cleaning (and painting) and preparing.  Holy days.  I also wish you the most blessed Christmas season...all 12 days of it.  Enjoy.  Savor.  Wonder.  Take your time in Bethlehem.  New babies are something to behold and this one is not to be missed.

Peace to you and yours!

No, It is still me.

I was just bored and tried to change things up a bit with layout.  Watch, it will change again.

Not Prepared

If you are anxiously awaiting photos of my home, decorated for the Advent and Christmas seasons, you can see what it looked like last year, here.  As BB reminds me nearly every hour, we have not decorated as much this year.  And, we won't be.

Part of the Story

Here is final paragraph from my sermon on Sunday.  It was a soft sermon.  That is being kind.  Although, I knew it was. I knew I wasn't getting into the text as much as I could have and I made peace with that...I told my stories about children and setting expectations...I got my laughs and had some fun.  Fun.  Huh, fun, with Luke's version of John the Baptist...well, never thought I'd write that sentence.

But, considering I was having a delightful text study in Chicago at 3:30pm...I did pretty well.

"So what then should we do?

We wait.  We wait in hope.  We wait in Joy.  We return again and again to the expectations God lays out for us.  We wait for the day when it will all be second nature…loving our neighbor, kindness, forgiveness, joy, gratitude…when all our responses to the gift of God in the flesh, come as easy as breathing.  We wait for Jesus to come again.  We wait..opening the gift God gave us in Christ, one layer of grace and expectation at a time."

What I wish I could have put together is here.  Hang with her past the horror movie stuff...because the last 6 paragraphs are worth it.

Four!

Here is a photo of the t-shirt.  BB loved wearing it to school and for his party.  I imagine he'll have it on a few more times this year.

 

I made this banner out of paper (can't go into the scrapbook store without buying SOMETHING) that matched the table decorations.

I frosted cookies...had enough cut out 'fours' to feed the neighborhood. 

Here is the beginning of the cake.  When BB saw the crack in it, he wanted his excavators to be digging a foundation large enough to build a skyscraper.  So, I dug out a hole...chocolate cake looks just like dirt.

Here is the final cake. 

Easiest one yet. 

Green frosting.  Crushed Oreo cookies and my royal icing boulders.

And, what else would make a construction party complete?  Why, an excavator, of course! 

(and some soil...)

Thanks to everyone who made it a great weekend.  We love you!!!

Joy

It is a beautiful sunny day here.  We sent the kids out to play after breakfast so that party preparations could begin.  BB dressed himself in his firefighter uniform, along with a winter hat and mittens.  EG came running in hot pursuit, dressed as a bumble bee in tennis shoes.  The bee costume has a hood so she saw no need for a hat.

The sunshine streamed into our kitchen as I sipped tea and my husband ate his cereal. We planned the day and occasionally looked out the window at our bee and firefighter.  After my husband took off for errands, I began to bake the cake (second cake...longer story).  Sunshine.  Smell of chocolate cake powder in the air.  And the sight of our kids out the window.  Joy.

At one point I looked out to see both of them laying on their stomachs under the ball catching net (probably feels like a tent to them).  Their young heads are close together, while their feet kick in crisp air.  The dog bounced around them, her breath forming clouds around them.  Every once in awhile they would pop up and run around then come back to the same spot and snuggle back up together.  Something about the scene amazed me.  My babies.  Out there, together in the world.  There they were. 

What on earth were they up to?

It hit me that as much as I wanted to go out to see what they were talking about, playing, creating, my presence would have ruined it for everyone.  They were out in our small yard becoming their own selves...and today, I watched their relationship develop.  She can talk.  He can listen.  They can take turns.  Together, they can plan and plot and dream.  I know they were sharing the beginnings of what it means to have siblings.

It is siblings that know your story from the beginning...in the best conditions they have your back like no one else in your life ever will.  From my experience, the honesty, loyalty and love that comes from your sister or brother can not be matched, or recreated.  While you can have a full, rich and productive life without one, I wouldn't have wanted to go it alone.

Increasingly, I realize that we aren't just raising children, we are creating a family.  And today I realized something else, I live with a brother and sister...young people who have their own relationship...just them, together.

I didn't go out to the yard.  Hours later, I haven't even asked what they were up to.  It wasn't about me.  It was their moment and I am just so blessed to have caught a glimpse of it.

To my own brother and sister...thanks for it all, and I love you.

Much more fun than my last post.

Yum.

What I learned from Twitter Today...

What if Jesus had been born a girl?

What if...

My Work Here is Done

Today after preschool the three of us went to lunch and then to a neighborhood bakery to pick out cookies for BB to take to class tomorrow.  So many to pick from.  So many.  Eventually, he choose two kinds and we got a dozen of each.  The teacher will probably not enjoy the fact the kids can choose between two decorating styles, but so be it.

In the car afterward, BB began to plan.  He first secured that there were enough cookies for him to try one today.  Then he said, "Mom, are we going to put each cookie in a little bag and tie it with a ribbon and put my friends names on each one?"  While I was delighted that he thought of this very cute idea, the part of me that has been running around getting ready for tomorrow and Sunday, groaned internally--NO!!!---we aren't.  What I said was, "That is a great idea, and sometimes we do that don't we?  I don't think we will tomorrow."  To which he graciously offered, "I'm not sure how to spell anyway...and you don't even know some of their faces."

He also reported back today that his class will be studying Advent all of December.  "The color is blue."

See, my work is done.  What more can I teach him beyond liturgical colors and putting cookies in bags with ribbon for a party?

(They also got the H1N1 shot and we picked up pottery from the local 'paint it yourself' shop.  Tomorrow, some surprises go up and a couple gifts get opened.)

Prepare the Way

Prepare the way, make your paths straight, get ready...

Today, on this first Sunday in Advent, we are preparing for much.  On Wednesday, BB turns four.  Four is much more fun than three.  At least for the party planner in me.  BB actually cares what I am doing.  He has the menu planned, he is excited about the party, he has approved the cake, and he keeps making gift requests that I have no idea where to get.  So that should be fun.  I have a number of surprises for him as well.

I am making a t-shirt with the number four on it.

And I am making a streamer door hanging (idea from GP) that will be all green ribbon...he can swish through it to his heart's content on Wednesday.  Except, I keep forgetting to write down on my list that I need a suspension rod from Target.  Suffered through two trips and forgotten each time.  argh.

Of course there will be a cake.  You (and I) will have to wait to see how these royal icing/oreo cookie boulders get used on said cake.

There will also be cookies.  The number 'four' and I made a few hearts.  I believe they have been ordered in shades of yellow.  Can anyone guess the theme of this year's party?  It is actually amazing that we waited 4 years to get to this theme.

Photos of final results will be posted when projects are completed.  My list is long this week, but it is all pretty fun and it brings me great joy.  Hoping it makes one little boy giggle with glee as well.

Thankful

I made the challenge in my sermon on Sunday for us to actually list what we are thankful for.  It is easy to list off the traditional/assumed list...family, friends, good health, shelter, food, clothes, etc.  Our thanks can be so generic.  I also wonder who most of us are giving thanks to?  In a season where our culture jumped from Halloween to Christmas in a blink of a week, perhaps I am feeling a little protective of Thanksgiving.

There is of course, no real retail incentive for Thanksgiving as a holiday.  It is one day.  We gather.  We eat.  We sit around.  It is over.  Perhaps there is a prayer or a family activity connected to sharing our thoughts and feelings, but mostly it is a day devoid of a common liturgy or larger purpose.

Give thanks?  I think many people can make the list, but then who are we thanking?  For so many people I think they feel they only have themselves to thank for the state of their lives.  Abundance they thank themselves.  Scarcity they blame others, or some circle in on themselves.  Gone is the common thought that in all things we give thanks to God.

I made my list.  On it are the generic things I listed above.  But there are some unique to only me.

~that profound grief has passed, replaced by a new normal...a stage that feels more comfortable with each passing day.
~that energy and clarity have returned to my brain.  Hormones and biochemistry are amazing.
~for friends who listen and understand the craziness of my life without judgment.  Or trying to fix it.
~for my own confidence in speaking up and for finding peace in the times when it is best to remain quiet.
~for the recognition that more 'stuff'--food, clothes, nicknacks and 'pretties'--won't actually make me feel better.  (learning curve still pretty high on this one...)
~for facebook and the connection to friends and family it brings me on a daily basis.
~for the ability to write my thoughts.

Happy Thanksgiving to you.  I hope that it becomes more a way of being than a 'day' on the calendar or merely a meal before our shopping trip. :)

And then the second one comes along...

Here is a sampling of things BB never said at 20 months.  Now, yes, for those of you who are sticklers for truth, BB didn't say much of anything at 20 months...let alone complete sentences, but just go with it.

"I want to watch a movie now."
"Turn it on, Mom."  referring to the tv
"I'll do it a 'odder' time."
"Why I have eat that?"
"No nappy time.  'Atter.  'Atter.  BB sleep first."

Seriously.  SERIOUSLY.  We are in such flipping trouble I don't even know where to start.  EG has brains, charm and her super cute cheeks on her side right now...man oh man, we are scrambling to keep get her in check.

Now to my credit, she didn't get to watch anything, she just thinks she can.  She sat in front of a dark tv telling me to turn it on, for, oh, about 10 minutes.

I am quite sure that BB's passion and stubbornness and EG's confident persistence will serve both of them very well in adulthood.  I just pray we all get there.

Exerpt from Sermon on Luke 12

We all have enough stuff.  While I am always caution to make wide generalizations like that, but I bet most of us have plenty, at least stuff.  Maybe not the newest, or fanciest, but plenty.  Considering that someone making $20,000 a year in the US is among the 11% wealthiest population in the world.  We have plenty.  (according to the Global Rich list)

And yet, we keep building new barns.  Everywhere we turn we are bombarded with the temptation to put things before God and before others.  It is a never ending cycle.  Once we have all the things that we want, we must be willing to protect those things.  We build bigger barns, move to a larger house, buy more insurance, and put up higher fences and louder security systems.  We cannot leave our things any longer to visit other places or cultures to broaden our perspectives about life.  We must find ways to guard our property.  We become prisoners of our possessions.  (And for those of us with no possessions, on top of the struggle of life it is the struggle to not be overcome by jealously and rage at those who have—and again stuff drives us away from neighbor and God.)

I know, I know this is the type of sermon where some of you are muttering to yourselves.  I don’t need to hear this.  Rather, I don’t want to hear this.  But there is it…there really isn’t a way to sugar coat what Jesus is telling us today.

We ask ourselves, “How can we balance providing for our needs, real needs, and the desire to accumulate goods, money, and status?  We don’t like this topic…but especially given the consumerism surrounding us right now…silence isn’t going to make it better.  God’s demand isn’t going away.   Uncomfortable as it may be, you and I, God’s people must find some way to speak up.  But for what?  The jobs of the people depending on good sales this holiday season?  The business owners who need an income?  Or do we call out against consumerism and people’s desire to buy, buy, buy?

It is a treacherous world we followers of Christ are called to live in.

And so, what shall we do?  How shall we find ‘true life’ amongst our ‘stuff’?

The answers and the arguments reach beyond the limits of a one sided sermon but let’s start here.

Let’s start by giving thanks.  By at least acknowledging our barns are full up.  And remembering that it is God that provided.  By at least stopping in the next week to list what God has done for us. In detail.  So that we are humbled by the excess and lavish grace bestowed upon us.   The clothes on our back, the food in our stomach, the water we drink, the places we find shelter, the tasks and jobs we get to do, the income we use to provide for those around us, the gadgets and entertainment that delight and amuse us, the conversations that challenge us, the conveniences that ease our body, the healthcare and medicine that expands our life, the sound of a friends voice and the listening ear of one who cares, the art and poetry and music that fills our lives, by the quiet of rain and chirp of birds, the miracle of love and forgiveness, the wonder of creation…our lists go on and on…  Our barns are full up.  Give thanks.

May our prayer be that the sheer weight of gratitude presses in upon us so heavily that our only response is to let it burst forth from us. 

The Trouble with being Honest

I am having trouble writing a sermon that doesn't just rail upon American consumerism and yet takes this parable seriously.  It is just so much fun to point out sin.  (mine included)  This is the text (verss Christ the King lectionary text) due to a Thankoffering given by the Women of the ELCA--so the obvious direction is to go with thanksgiving.  God isn't looking for us to build larger barns, God would like us to say, "thank you."

Anyone with any ideas?  You have until 6am Sunday. 

Luke 12:13-21

The Parable of the Rich Fool

13 Someone in the crowd said to him, ‘Teacher, tell my brother to divide the family inheritance with me.’ ¹⁴But he said to him, ‘Friend, who set me to be a judge or arbitrator over you?’ ¹⁵And he said to them, ‘Take care! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of possessions.’ ¹⁶Then he told them a parable: ‘The land of a rich man produced abundantly. ¹⁷And he thought to himself, “What should I do, for I have no place to store my crops?” ¹⁸Then he said, “I will do this: I will pull down my barns and build larger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. ¹⁹And I will say to my soul, Soul, you have ample goods laid up for many years; relax, eat, drink, be merry.” ²⁰But God said to him, “You fool! This very night your life is being demanded of you. And the things you have prepared, whose will they be?” ²¹So it is with those who store up treasures for themselves but are not rich towards God.’

Just Give Me Something to Eat

This might just be the rotten mood* that I am in, or my stage in life, or my generation, or my personality, or the books that I am reading...but increasingly, I just want a congregation that will feed me. I want to gather and be fed for service outside the congregation. I want a harbor in the storm. I want my time within my congregation to feel distinctively different than my life outside of it.

But for me, it seems congregational life just creates more work . More of the same concerns I have in other arenas. More meetings and circular conversations. More gossip and idle chitchat. More 'to do' lists that seem pointless.  More "stuff" for me to feel like I am inadequately completing.

There is already so much that I don't do in a day...and my congregation just adds things to that list, with the added perk of spiritual guilt.

For the record, I know many of these parties, celebrations, studies, service projects, etc. are very important to others. I get it. I even value it and uphold it. I know they serve a very important role in many people's lives.

Just not mine.

I don't care if our silverware doesn't match in the kitchen, I don't think the annual seasonal brunch is that vital to missional work of serving Christ, I don't want to bake things for another event...

Now it may just be that I want to yell, "I don't want to." at the top of my lungs.

Or it may be that we need to have a huge garage sale on our congregational practices and sell a bunch of parties, goals, priorities, events and expectations. Because they just don't get the actual job done. The work is out there. (picture me pointing out the doors of a traditional church building.)

God needs us to be Jesus, on the streets, in our car, with the clerks and servers, with our kids and family...out there. (my hands are now on my hips.)

I need my congregation to give me some food so I can do this. I'm hungry and baking more %$#@#@ cookies for a bake sale isn't going to fill me up.  Trust me, I am full up on carbs and empty calories.


*I have a cold.  I have a sermon to preach on Luke 12:13-21.  I have kids that are under the weather.

Not a Clue

I was cleaning out some files and came across this quote.  I haven't a clue as to who said it first...



Listen, I'm just a guy with a bad haircut from a small church you've never heard of, but I hope you'll listen to me for a moment because I have something important to say. When it comes to God, religion, spirituality, whatever you want to call it, ignore just about everything you see on television or in movies. If you are serious about making a spiritual connection with a power greater than ourselves, try the following suggestions:

• Let go of big things and embrace little things.
• Ignore loud things and listen for quiet things.
• Put aside obvious things and seek out hidden things.
• Forget easy things and learn hard and ancient things.
• Stop saving your life and start losing it.
• Let your thinking and believing become doing and serving.
• Quit trying to arrive and become at home on the journey.
• Lose your road maps and find a wise guide to walk with you.

Love the idea of God with all your heart, soul, mind, body, life, work, and strength. And while you're at it, try loving other people as much as you love yourself. You won't be able to do either of these, but trying will be very good for you.
Do these things all of your days and forever. Do these things

Restless Nights

The conversation I wrote about in my last post is still on my mind.  Constantly.  Then I began to wonder why I care so much.  Then my thoughts surrounding why I would care so much began to keep me up at night.

Now I am tired.  For many reasons.  But I am in hot pursuit of a Monday where we all have clean underwear and plates in the cabinets rather than stacked on the counter tops.

Strawmen

It is always good to be challenged.  Once, a long time ago, a woman I admired said that she always tries to be pushed to be more open, liberal, accepting of questions.  I took that to heart.  My parents also spent my teenage years trying to get their first born, traditionally minded daughter to see beyond her black and white parameters.  Perparing me for the gray that would surely cloud my vision.

Last night, I led a discussion on the nature of Jesus.  It was a pretty broad, scratch-the-surface conversation that started at the request of someone who read the book The Jesus Dynasty.  I haven't read the book and it isn't overly important to the conversation.  Except that it completely changed how this young person things about Jesus.  So I guess it is a little important.  The book would fall into the area of archeology and the search for the historical Jesus.

Knowing that the whole group would never read the book, I broadened the topic to Jesus' nature.  Billing the conversation as, Who do you say that I am?  I gave a brief introduction, saying how I wanted actual conversation, I hoped that when I spoke they wouldn't hear it as "the" answer or that they "had" to agree with me, etc.  Then I asked the question, Who do you say that Jesus is?

I said, that he was the one that brings me back from the dead and the one who assures me that God is for me and on my side.  (Incarnation and Resurrection)  I have a fairly 'high' view of Jesus Divinity.  (apparently.)

The next person to speak said, "Well, I think Jesus was a prophet.  I'm come to believe he was the best prophet but I don't think he was God."

My little, open minded, liberal, question embracing heart, stopped.  Just a little.  But it did.  Internally, I panicked.  While I believe as a pastor my job isn't to force people into faith or encourage everyone to see things just as I see them, for just a moment I felt like I had failed this person.  That I was getting a failed grade on my pastor test.  Part of me wanted to say a whole lot of words to get them to see Jesus from my viewpoint.  I wanted to argue and push and pick at the flaws in this thinking.

And all of a sudden, I really wished I hadn't given my "open minded, embrace the questions" introduction.  I hate having to live up to my own expectations.

So, I nodded and sat back.  and listened.

(I am going to leave this post here...a work in progress.)

Juggling

Books I am currently reading...will report on as requested.