In August the local Lutheran congregations collected easy mac and cheese. 700 containers came in and out of my minivan over the course of two weeks. BB and EG helped open the packages and placed them in boxes. I stayed up late placing the 700 labels on the small bowls of welcome and invitation. We were planning to pass them out at the local university's activity fair.
And pass them out we did.
Beyond proving to me I was no longer in college (somehow I still held delusion of being relatively young. A minivan, two small children and a 1 year old in a stroller, do not promote my youth or imagined 'cool' factor.) the experience buoyed our hope for our new campus ministry.
We felt encouraged and excited. Students took out mac and cheese. They perked up when we talked about a new campus group dedicated to asking questions about faith. They chatted with us. They gave us their names and email addresses.
Then the first Thursday night came and a dreaded text arrived from my co-hort in this mission...."no one."
And no one would show up for the next three weeks. In the mean time the task force/steering committee was promoting a coordinator position. It is a small position, supported by the steering committee members. It is a paid position and has the possibility to grow in any number of directions. We were hopeful that someone would share our passion and vision for this ministry and have a few hours to give towards helping it grow. In my heart of hearts I hoped a nice member of a Lutheran congregation might apply. Or a colleague at a small congregation in the area.
Someone who spoke our faith language.
No one who fit that description applied. We got ill written resumes, email inquires with no resumes, and resumes with qualifications we didn't understand.
We got a few resumes from people who shared our interest in campus ministry but didn't come from our faith tradition. And that became a stumbling block. Because we had to readdress who we were creating this group for. Lutherans? Christians with questions? Non believers? Un-churched? Ourselves so we could say we tried?
The last one is my defeated self talking.
I'm not sure I was cut out to lead any part of the Body of Christ through or during this time in the Church's history. It is really, absolutely, no. fun. It is no fun because my faith tradition has a lot about it that needs to die away in order for new life to come forth. While I feel that death is needed, I know that the core theology is beating strong within the faith conversations that surround us. We all feel like in terms of programming, or worship development or evangelism, we are playing catch up to our cooler, more hip brother (because he'd be a brother) the Evangelical/Mega Church/Fundamentalist/Non-denominational churches who are dictating the conversation around church growth. All the while "they" (grin) are waking up to theological and Biblical ideas that we have proclaimed for hundreds of years. I find my congregation and myself playing in a game we don't even want to play. My colleagues and I serve in congregations where people still think there is a stockpile of lazy Lutherans just waiting for the right event or promotion to come...they think evangelism and hospitality are about welcoming people who basically know the story but just haven't wanted to engage it for a while. I want to believe that too. I like pretend play.
Except I know that's all it is. Pretend. The reality is that the church I want to be apart of, is gone. Ushering in what will be is our call. Through death. Through defeat. Through painful adjustments.
So part of my work right now focuses on trying to not kill off a perfectly good ministry idea. I feel 'death by committee' surging within our campus ministry. I can't help but hear BB's shocked voice in my head, as I ponder
"No one, Mom?! Not one person has come? Mom, they were suppose to read the bowl, not just eat it."
But they aren't going to do what we think they are suppose to do. That much I have learned.
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