Falling Close to the Tree

The scene begins as a mother says to her three year old daughter and five year old son.  "I'm working in the kitchen right now so you have to play in our yard."  (not play with the neighbors in their yard.)  An hour passes and each of them ask a few more times, just in case the mom has changed her mind or forgotten their request.  Finally, the five year old settles into realty.  He's not playing in his friend's yard today.  The three year old has another game plan.

After standing in the kitchen doorway crying for a bit, she decides to change shoes.  On her way back through the kitchen, "Mom, I changed my shoes now can I go in Simon's yard."
"No, EG."
She stands in the the doorway and begins to cry again.  Then suddenly shuts off the tears and looks at her mom.
"Mom, I'm stubborn."  Stomps her foot and sets her face to stone.
"Yes, you are."  her mom is internally smiling.  "Do you know what stubborn means?"
EG ponders for a moment.  Quietly she says, "No."
"Maybe you shouldn't use words when you don't know what they mean."  A pointless remark.
There is a long pause.  EG relaxes a bit.  Her face and voice soften.
"Mom, what does stubborn mean?"
The mom finishes washing some pots and pans from last night's lasagna. 
"Stubborn means that you don't change your mind very easily.  It isn't always a good thing.  But you know who else is stubborn?"
"Birds?"  she asks.
"Well, maybe, but I was thinking of your dad, your brother and me.  Sometimes it is a good thing, sometimes it isn't.  Did you notice that BB is playing and you are standing in the doorway crying?  Who's having more fun?"
She looks outside.
The mom gets out the dishwasher soap and fills up the soap cups.  Closes the door and turns to start dinner.
A few minutes pass.  With a mixture of defiance and resignation, "I'm having fun, Mom."
"hummm...Well, EG, my answer isn't going to change."
"Cause you're stubborn, too?  (quick pause)  Did I use stubborn correcdidly, Mom?"

Saturday

Our house has been for sale for 10 months.  Did you just stop reading?  Tired of this topic, are you?  Everyone in our life is as well.  I understand.  We are doing our best to change the topic.  But for today, the house is a prominent chapter in our life's story.

It started out as a fantastically unique Saturday.  It was the first weekend in a long time that did not have anything planned for either of us.  I have no weekend church projects for the next few weeks, so I was feeling relaxed.  Friday kicked off the weekend when a friend was available and interested in watching our kids.  We ate dinner at a restaurant in peace.  Ahh.  Of course by 9:30pm I was exhausted and ready for bed.

Which I got to sleep in until 8:00am on Saturday.  Ahh.  BB and I got up and leisurely made pancakes (one of my very favorite things to do and his favorite to eat.)  EG and my husband slept a bit longer.  We ate.  The kids planned a Dinosaur Show.  BB hung signs, encouraging the family to sign up to see his show.  Once the kitchen was cleaned up we headed into BB's bedroom for the show.

We sat in peaceful bliss on the bedroom floor, enjoying a Saturday all together.  The kids showed us their drawings of dinosaurs.  Then EG brought out her dinosaur, named Laura.  They had made a cage out snap blocks and placed a dinosaur family inside.  We had to speak quietly and could not touch the dinosaurs.  After many "mic" checks, BB and EG were ready to preform their dinosaur song up on BB's bed.  At this point the phone rang.

My husband and I looked at each other knowing full well what the call at 10:30am meant.

Someone wanted to see our house at noon.

After we patiently listened to the song and even got to draw a picture of a dinosaur.  We had to sign our names to them and hang them on the on wall.  Then we regretfully shared the news that we had to call the real estate agency back.

All of a sudden our Saturday felt just like every other Saturday for the last few months.  (we want to sell the house, so we know what we need to do...it was just so amazing to be still and hang out.)

Instead of leaving to do something, we decided to park on our street and wait for the showing to come and then leave. By 12: 30 lunch was now on our minds and our house takes about 15-20 mins max to look over.  So, we sat in our cars on our street, outside our own house and chatted on our cells phones.  At 1:00pm, our agent called to say the showing agent was running late.  Could they see the house between 1:30 and 2:30?

I can't actually repeat what my husband said.  It was funny.  Especially, coming from mild mouthed him, but I didn't share it with the agents.  I sighed and said, "Sure."

Our kids hate this.  It has effected their moods in various ways.  They feel as powerless as we do, perhaps even more so, and their frustration manifests itself in a variety of ways.  Screaming.  Crying.  Disobedience.  Fighting with each other.  Mouthing back to us.  My children's mental health was never one of the things I would have listed when I thought of potential house selling issues.

We headed to lunch..out.  (which I love.)  Then home again.

Now we wait...

We did reclaim the weekend.  I took a nap.  My husband took his monthly trip to Goodwill.  The kids watched some tv, played outside and colored some more pictures.  Right now as I type, they are all at the park flying a kite.

I am watching House Hunters, waiting for the pages of this chapter in our lives to turn.

New Voice

Part of the reason I love to read blogs is that I am introduced to people I would love to personally know.  I will probably never get to meet them, or share a cup of coffee, but I am happier just to know they are 'out there.'

A friend of mine needed to have a  book by the title of Will Jesus Buy Me a Double Wide?  (because I need more room for my plasma tv.)  You can see why she needed to have this book.  Just knowing a book with this title is 'out there' made us happy.  Turns out the author, Karen Spears Zacharias, has a blog as well.

Her posts titled: Notes on Japan and What is he waiting around for? made my day.  You'll have to scroll down a bit, because she writes everyday. (unlike others we know.)

I'm Pregnant.

There.  I said it.
When you write about your daily life, but haven't actually wanted to deal with your daily life, your blog suffers.
Sorry about that.

Working with what you've got

Do you see these sad, empty hangers?  All that shelf space?  Yesterday they held clothes.  That did not fit.  I was hanging on to them in hopes of wearing them again one day.

I have two full boxes of summer clothes in the basement.  One box of clothes that are lovingly thought of as 'Memorabilia'.  The dress I wore to my 8th grade Confirmation.  A pair of shorts from college that received favorable reviews.  A few tops that are too cute to give up, but would require major cosmetic surgery to get me back into.  These boxes sit in the basement.

Upstairs my closet was overflowing with sweaters and pants.  Many suits that I haven't worn in years.  Clothes that belonged to my Godmother.  Size, after increasing, size.  On the floor in front of my closet was a pile of the clothes that did fit.  Each day I would look over the beautiful items that I couldn't wear, and grab the few pieces that did fit from the overflow pile and stacks.  It was tiring.  A bit depressing.  And a daily reminder of the ridiculous.

We had a house showing yesterday (so that answers your question of whether the house is still for sale.)  and I realized many parts of my life might benefit from cleaning up my closet.  I took out all of the items that don't fit/can't wear/wrong season and packed them away. 

I am left with this closet.  (note all the fun colors.)

I told myself that come October, I will drag out all the boxes.  All of them.  I'll have a major fashion show and part with my past for good.(ok, parts of it.)  But, for now, it is buried in the basement.  It does make the morning much less dramatic or angst filled to know I can wear everything in my closet.  There is some freedom in living with less.  Peace in having just enough.

Racing to Three

EG doesn't turn three until Friday, but we got the party started early this week. 

For more on how EG has celebrated her birthdays look here.  I realize I didn't do as much for the festivities this year but I'm a bit tired.  More on that to come...

Well, this isn't going to help...

It has come to this.

Hey, friends!  Our house is still FOR SALE.  For Christmas by dear SIL got me this gift.  Today was the day to dig the hole.  It is frozen where I live.  I boiled some water and made a little warm muddy pit to put St. Joe into.  Facing the road, placed head first down.

 I have to admit it was difficult to explain to BB why this statue was going to help sell our house.  We are so, not Catholic, or superstitious.  Well, that was before our house was on the market for nine months.  Now, I'll stick a ceramic eco statue in the ground and even say a prayer over it, asking for help from wherever it shall come.

FIVE!

Christmas Cards

I am sharing a post from Hollywood Housewife on Christmas Cards.  I agree with nearly every one of her criteria.  Although, I am sure both us aren't necessarily judging...just, um...commenting. 

My plan for this year shouldn't be too difficult to pull off.  I say that every year, don't I?  You can see some of my past cards here and here.


By the way:  Our house is still for sale.  We have had four showings in three days.  This is the way to do it:  get my money out of the cleaning.

What I Need to Live Up to...

If I have any complaint about BB's preschool it is this.  Too. Many. Birthday Parties.  While the parties don't compare to the likes of Hollywood celebrities or even the articles you read about life in The Big City.  They are still more than I think a five year old needs.  (or a three year old--she's getting invited, too.)  I have no idea how parents are planning to top themselves each year.

For many reason we aren't having a party this year.  I mean we ARE.  It just won't look like the last four parties....no grandparents, no invitations (yet)...Instead, we are heading to A BIG CITY to hang out as a family at a museum and then look at the Christmas lights.  On Thursday we'll let BB pick his meal.  He'll bring a goodie bag to school for each classmate (because we can't bring food...)  Sometime soon we are planning a special "play date" with three of his friends from school.  I imagine there will be cake, an activity and it will feel a bit like a party to a five year old.

This week I need to figure out how many of last years traditions I want to recreate. I best get busy...

What I've Been Up To...

For my new nephew. (it is in the mail and I am pretty sure my sister isn't checking in on my blog these days...)

 Love this!  I almost bought a pre-made pot, but am so pleased with how it turned out.

The decorating style of the nearly f-i-v-e year old!

Regretting this purchase.  :)

The Strong One

Are you an oldest child?  Are you the "strong one?"  Neither are bad ways of being (or being perceived), but there are some challenges.  My dear friend who writes at The Emmaus Road wrote a beautiful devotional piece on being strong and taking care of each other--it brought me to tears.  So often I forget that the hallmarks of my faith tradition are vulnerability, weakness and God's ability to bring life out of our human frailty.

I can't do much about people's impression of me, but I can learn to cut myself some slack.  I am strong.  But I don't always have to be....God can work with me, either way.

Third Date

Surely, the third visit is when you fall in love with a house, right?

Our house is still for sale.

But people are coming for the third look tomorrow.  Keeping my hopes in check.



*Anyone have any insightful or interesting thoughts on John's Bread of Life idea? (John 6:25...) The service on Sunday isn't using the Lectionary texts.

Lighter Matters.

Literally.  We are moving on to a topic that is lighter.  This is a mystery in my life right now...
 

 These are my jeans.  The top pair are the jeans I wore most of last fall and winter.  The bottom pair is my current go-to jean.

On both of these pants you will notice a lighter coloring on my left knee.  (The most recent one looks like the right knee is showing similar wear. But no where near the effect the left knee has.)

Why?

Yes, I am serious.  Why is this happening?

Soft Hearts

It seems to me one of the most unattractive qualities in a person is a hardened heart.  Cynical.  Cold.  Harsh.  I can come across as possessing a number of these attributes.  But for those who know me well, or the most deeply, they know it is all a facade.  (ok, sarcastic humor is just...me.)  If I actually went about life as exposed and in touch with everyone's emotions as I could be, I'd be in a perpetual crying jag.  That is so attractive.  Not always helpful.  Or, necessary.

Instead, I layer on protective armor.  Silence.  Rants and anger at those with whom I feel the most secure.  Eye rolls.  Avoidance, can be useful as well.  Plugging my ears and singing 'La, la, la' can be helpful.  So can closing my eyes and focusing only on my family.  "If the three around me are ok, everyone must be ok."

The trick becomes, in how to protect the heart with out hardening it too much.  Reality is, a heart needs the bumps and bruises in order to remain soft.  I must hear the stories people have to tell and feel their life, in order to more fully experience mine.  And beyond me, to more fully experience God.

On this All Saints Sunday, I can across one too many heart softening blows.  None of directly impacts my life or my heart...except God's heart is keeping beat with all of ours.  As I went to bed last night, I felt battle weary.

At church today we learned a neighbor across the street had died.  We had noticed action, but had never put much of the story together.  We remember him as a helpful, cheerful and kind man, with fun stories to share.  We feel--guilty? sad? careless?-that we weren't more in tune with the activity we saw.

Again at church, I learned of suicide of a young man whose life is connected to our congregation.

I have had a woman from our congregation on my mind for weeks...ever since I saw her beaming face at Target.  She was a month away from giving birth to her first child.  I was sure I was thinking about her so that our mom's group could bring her a meal and welcome her into our network.  I learned today she lost the baby and her ability to have any future children to a horribly rare pregnancy risk.  This hit too close to home.  Plus, my mothering heart aches for her and what is a particularly gut wrenching type of grief.

And then, amidst the glorious fall colors of a high school cross country running race (is there anything so inspiring as young athletes and the spirit of the spectators?) one of my favorite aunt's by marriage confided that her only sibling/sister has pancreatic cancer.  There is no armor strong enough to stop the tears when that diagnosis is proclaimed.  So I didn't.  Neither did my aunt.  We let a few tears fall and learned that our hearts beat together.

From my own experience I know the comfort in finding people who will acknowledge the horror of this cancer.  I remember the blank stares or pep talks of how "all will be ok." I remember the lonely feeling that came from knowing time with a loved just became increasing precious...and short.  I gave thanks for the soft hearts that cried with me, allowed me to, and walked into the darkness with me.

While I don't find it interesting or attractive, I understand how hearts are hardened.  I see the appeal.  It just isn't for me.

No Comment.

Our house is still for sale.

Repairing His First Love

This is BB's Bunny Bear.  You can read about him/her here.   BB, my son, has a bad habit of chewing on Bunny Bear right now.  To describe the results in words is pretty grotesque--so I will leave you to look upon the poor little guy.

In a moment of maternal love, I decided to help both BB and Bunny Bear.

I took a try at repair.  I dumped out the stuffing.  I sewed up the arms and cut up my t-shirt to make a new face.  The new eyes, nose, and mouth leave something to be desired.  I may give a try at the face another day.

  I tucked Bunny Bear in with BB last night.  The slight smile on my son's face was priceless.  I'm not sure who needs Bunny Bear to stick around a bit longer, my son or his mother.  The growth spurt on BB is going too fast, and if fixing a bear from his toddler days keeps him this side of baby-hood, I am going to work very hard to keep this little bear whole for as long as possible.

VOTE!!!

I know most people don't share my passion for all things political...but Election Day should be a holiday.  Celebrate this blessing and hard fought right.  I think it matters who you vote for...but any one who reads this knows my thoughts.  (although I must say where I am voting today, it is a choice between bad and worse, across the state...BUT I am still voting.)

All I will say is this...my home state of Minnesota better remember who they are and what makes them great among the other 50 states.  Don't make me come back there so I can campaign and vote....please, oh, please see the error of this congresswoman's ways!!!!

Going to be a late night for me...watching the results, and my blood pressure get high.  I love it!

Vote!

Better than Jazzercise

At 2:45 I got a call asking if I could show my house at 4:00pm.  Because I usually weigh situations from the perspective of "how I would do things" I figured if someone called on such short notice they must need a house ASAP. (Translation: I couldn't imagine making someone get ready for a house showing on such short notice unless I loved the house and needed to buy it today.)  So, I negotiated for 4:30 and said, "yes."

Then I....
locked the kids outside. (literally)
put cider on the stove to mull.
lite a candle.
threw all misc coats, sweatshirts, school and work bags, and paperwork from the office in to the car.
put all dirty clothing in baskets and put them in the "laundry room."
put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher...with the current clean ones.  No time to put away.
put the two baskets of clean laundry that I was folding down stairs in the "laundry area."
vacuumed.
made three beds.
cleaned up two bathrooms and a kitchen.
yelled at the kids to pick up the back yard and come inside.
put the kids in the car.
ran the swifter wet mop over the floors.
started some quiet music.
and I grabbed some candy for the kids and water for myself.  It was now 4:10.

Once in the car we circled the block and waited.  (Over time I have learned to just wait unless I have other things I must do.)

They came at 4:38pm.
They left at 4:48pm.

I have a flip book of quotes by my bed.  The quote (paraphrased) right now is, "if you can't change something, change how you think about it."

Here's how I am choosing to think about this...I got my workout in for today.

and...wait for it. 
Our house is still for sale.